[Verse 1] Stopped at a diner somewhere off Route 9 Waitress said “Honey, you look rough tonight” I said “Lady, you got five whole days?” She poured more coffee and just walked away Guy beside me showed vacation pics Then his surgery scars and political takes Before my pancakes even hit the plate I knew about his rash, divorce and cholesterol rate [Pre-Chorus] Everybody talkin’ Nobody thinks Now my brain feels like A kitchen sink [Chorus] Too much information Too many overshares I know your ex-wife cheated And your cousin sells exotic bears I just asked what time it was Now I know your blood type too Too much information Lord, what did we do? [Verse 2] My barber started cuttin’ my hair Then told me ‘bout his nightmare affair Halfway through the sideburn line I learned things that should qualify as crimes Old man Earl at the hardware store Cornered me for an hour or more Started with weather and fishing bait Ended with “the government controls plate tectonics, mate” [Pre-Chorus] Every conversation Turns into a landslide One wrong “How are ya?” And there goes your night [Chorus] Too much information Too many details free I know your dog’s anxiety triggers And your uncle’s vasectomy I don’t need your crypto theories Or your fungal cream review Too much information Comin’ outta you [Bridge] [Half-time groove with honky-tonk piano and harmonica] Last Friday night at the county fair A guy explained his digestive care For forty-five straight minutes long While his wife just danced like nothin’ was wrong And somehow… somehow… I still know what medication he’s on [Final Chorus] Too much information My poor ears can’t survive I know your password hints And where your grandma keeps her cash alive We used to talk ‘bout baseball Now it’s trauma, taxes and doom Too much information Fillin’ up the room [Outro] [Loose saloon jam with gang vocals] Keep some secrets, brother Save a little mystery too ’Cause if I hear one more story I’m jumpin’ out this booth
