[Intro, spoken] "About a week before the date of this big holiday party was set, a grouchy certain somebody made a mistake to say the following phrase to Shane: 'Whatever. Just bring in some fucking cookies. It doesn't really matter which kind... A lot of people will be showing up.'" "Max was enduring through a really miserable and stressful time. There was too much documentation to examine and attend to... He found out the girl he had gotten into a deep relationship with had been cheating on him... And some asshole almost ran him off the road on the way to board game night..." [Verse 1, female singer, Darlene's POV:] Shane! (Shaaaane!) Someone we're still getting to know. Shane! (Shaaaane!) A fun, entertaining dude! Shane! (Shaaaane!) He's helped our group to grow. Some crazy idea spawned inside his head, After hearing that crass remark Max had said. He comes over, dressed as a jolly Santa Claus, A big, covered plastic bucket he brings has me pause. I asked, "Did you buy a new game? Is that what you've brought?" He said, "Nope. My games are in my car, near my festive bot." "This is something I want to bring in first," "Gotta show Max this special snack or dessert." I offered to help grab some of his games, as he smiled. He nodded, and replied, "Sure thing, Darlene," "But hurry in. I want everyone to see these. Something wild!" He chuckled and grinned, as I wondered to myself, What's got him to laugh like a mischievous elf? So off I flew towards the car, Grabbing boxes and bags. As I ran back to the party, I thought I heard someone choke, then gag. Shane stood by a counter, His eyes so bright. Amused twinkle in his eyes, Seen in the shifting, colored light. I yelled, "Okay, Shane! It's time to spill!" "Come on, show us what treat you got. Do tell!" He said, "I made the cookies, now watch them all loop back," "To Max, who made the request! I promise you, honey;" "When making these, I put in my best!" As I noticed Max, he was looking freaked out. His eyes wide open as he let out this shout, "I didn't mean it literally!" "What the hell, man? That's not funny!" [Spoken, in awe] "Oh... my God..." [spoken, male voice, Shane] "Aw c'mon, it's just some fucking cookies! Right Max? Ahahahaha!" [Chorus] You can't unsee the filth, As the party gets movin' A varied mix of reactions, As the music gets groovin'! Oh my God, these homemade cookies Aren't something we'd think to make Holy shit, we learned of his scheme, Didn't just see how well he can baaaaaake... These crazy homemade cookies, Are only what he would bake! (These crazy homemade cookies,) (These crazy homemade cookies,) (Only Shane would bake!) [Verse 2, male singer, Shane's POV:] Oh, poor Max. He just couldn't take it! His miserable week officially peaked! He wanted a hole in the floor to go fall in, While half of everybody started belly-clutchin' Laughter spillin'! Some people were choking. Some were grabbing napkins. Then I saw others snapping pics and clapping! "Max, you asked for it!" someone yelled from the back. "Should have been more specific. Now, where's the snack?" A girl named Gina came in for a closer look, "Oh wow, these are hilarious! Off da hook!" [Group Ensemble] (What a riot! A real laugh riot!) (Shane's a rascal. No denying!) [Shane] Well, don't just stare. Take and eat one., if you dare. [spoken] "...I'm kidding! They actually taste like any other homemade sugar cookies." "I just had to do a little extra artistic effort, to make them look like this." [Chorus] You can't unsee the filth, As the party gets movin' A varied mix of reactions, As the music gets groovin'! Oh my God, these homemade cookies Aren't something we'd think to make Holy shit, we learned of his scheme, Didn't just see how well he can baaaaaake... These crazy homemade cookies, Are only what he would bake! (These crazy homemade cookies, whooooa) (These crazy homemade cookies,) (Only Shane would bake!) [Bridge, Male Singer/Narrator] Now hold up a minute, let's hit that rewind button! Max was so down, heavy blow to ego. Like a moody old storm cloud, his spirit was low! [Darlene] Shane saw a chance to put on a show... But he didn't mean malice. Only hilarity! Using pure shock for maximum clarity! Yeah, these cookies look crude, But they were born from the gloom. Now Max has to laugh right there, in the roooooom! (Rooooooom!) [spoken, confident] "Lesson learned, Max. Next time you wanna ask Shane for food," "You better be specific... or you'll get screwed!" [Chorus] You can't unsee the filth, As the party gets movin' A varied mix of reactions, As the music gets groovin'! Oh my God, these homemade cookies Aren't something we'd think to make Holy shit, we learned of his scheme, Didn't just see how well he can baaaaaake... These crazy homemade cookies, Are only what he would bake! (These crazy homemade cookies, whooooa) (These crazy homemade cookies,) (Only Shane would bake!)
