forward and backward, my grief bent through time

where does a loss begin or does it just form scarlike down the jaw to where it fades into the skin and does the morning open light and does the dawn wash clean his hands burning menthols toward the night or does it wash away the man ayayay ulululul ayayayay ulululuulululululuuuuuuulululululu in the deepest of seas there is a sparrow who calls thinking the sun is an island emerging from the water just as the callous of hands hold water better than those as yet untouched by the carelessness of time and meanwhile your scarf trails the wind like a paper dragon coming unspooled and meanwhile we rewind our hands across each other's bodies but they do not rewind ayayay ulululul ayayayay ulululuulululululuuuuuuulululululu and i see at once the hole where they will put you in the hardest of solace embraced there is a bright///breathe what thaws the ice in morning light and as remembered i know you in the breaking dawn nonononononononononoonno (ayayaayyaya whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhwwhyyyyy) nononononono ululuulullulululululululululululul why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why whywhy why why why why why why why ayayay ulululul ayayayay ulululuulululululuuuuuuulululululuayayay ulululul ayayayay no ulululuulululululuuuuuuulululululuayayay ulululul ayayayay no ulululuulululululuuuuuuulululululu (no) why why no no ululululululu ayayayayayayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay