Certified Cringe (Remix)

(Verse 1) She walks in like a queen, drops her bag on the floor Says, “Ugh, your jokes? Dad, you’re such a bore” Tried to hug her once—yeah, mistake number ten She said, “We’re in public. Never do that again.” Tried to talk TikTok, she said, “Just… no.” I blinked wrong once, now she’s ready to go Her eye rolls hit like a martial art She’s got Wi-Fi rage and a marshmallow heart (Chorus) I'm a certified cringe, a dad-level threat Making pancakes and dad-dance bets Told her I’m “lit,” she said “That’s not a flex” Now I’m banned from speaking in all her group texts Yeah, certified cringe, but I still pay the bills Even though she says, “Ugh, you don’t get it, chill.” (Verse 2) I said “YOLO” once and she filed a complaint Rolled her eyes so hard I thought she'd faint She’s got mood swings in three-part scenes Complete with a soundtrack and emotional memes Tried to say “No”—now I’m on trial She’s got closing arguments and courtroom style But I hold my ground, like a dad-shaped rock Even when she says, “Don’t breathe when I talk.” (Chorus) I’m a certified cringe, walkin’ dad cliché With my socks and sandals and my old-school ways I tell lame puns just to hear her groan It’s revenge for all the selfies she’s taken on my phone Yeah, I'm certified cringe, but I’m still her ride Even when she slams the car door and tries to hide (Bridge) She says, “You just don’t understand me” I said, “Sweetie, I made a mixtape, on a CD” One day she’ll laugh, or maybe she won’t But I’ll still be doing dad things more than I hoped (Outro Chorus) I’m a certified cringe, proud and strong Messing up lyrics to all her songs Waving at school drop-off like it’s my stage While she disappears in a cloud of teenage rage Yeah, certified cringe, but I’ve got the proof That under that hoodie, she still kinda thinks I’m cool (…maybe)