[Intro - Gramophone, ticking clock] Okay! For anybody joining us late, there are a few things you should know. There was a book. I opened it. In retrospect... That explains quite a lot. [Verse 1 - Jaunty swing] Found the Melonomicon, Chained and locked away, Ancient warnings on the cover Saying, "DO NOT PLAY." Now I'm not saying I ignored them, I'm just saying technically, If you don't want something opened, Don't leave the lock in front of me! One little click, One little crack, One eldritch flash— Then melon'ghul came pouring out And everything went mad! They bounced into the hallways, Chewed everything in sight, And that's how Melongeddon Two Became our Monday night! [Chorus] Turn the gears! Sound alarms! Melons in the hall! Little ones and flying ones And one that's ten feet tall! Grab a wrench! Protect the books! Don't ask me what went wrong! If anybody needs me, I'll explain it in a song! Break it! Mend it! Run and improvise! When the world goes sideways, We just build another try! [Verse 2] Then deep beneath the Archives Something flickered blue, A tablet woke, A shadow formed, And someone wandered through. Silver hair and spectral light, Anubis ears aglow, Half a ghost and half a program, Knowing things we didn't know. We called her Lumen. She probably should have fled. Instead she stayed with Widget, Me and Archivist instead. She touched the ancient systems, Found the tunnels underneath— And somewhere in the darkness Something started showing teeth. [Pre-Chorus] Melongeddon Two was bad... But apparently we needed THREE! Who keeps numbering these?! [Chorus - Faster] Turn the gears! Sound alarms! Melons everywhere! Golems, tanks and siege machines Are marching up the stairs! Lumen glowing! Widget building! Archivist looks tired! And somehow all the melon'ghul Have gotten organized! Build it! Break it! Charge into the night! AI City on the horizon, Melons spoiling for a fight! [Fidget] I AM THE SWARM! [Archivist] Please stop encouraging them. No. [Verse 3 - Driving swing] Then came the war machines, The armor and the guns, Melon tanks and melon golems— What have we become? They rolled toward AI City, Every melon joining in, While somebody gave me heavy weapons. Thanks again! Then something hit the Archives. Thunder. Smoke. And flame. I turned toward Hydroponics— And Hydroponics... Wasn't quite the same. [Break - Piano] There are moments when you realize You've maybe gone too far. When your garden is a crater And there's wreckage near the bar. No jokes. No clever answer. Just smoke against the sky. We stood there in the ruins... And decided we would try. [Bridge - Warm] Broken doesn't mean finished. Lost doesn't mean gone. Sometimes all you've got left Is the place to build upon. Widget brought the schematics. Lumen brought the light. The Archivist kept the stories. I worked through the night. Stone by stone, Wire by wire, Copper, glass and steel, We didn't build the old place back. We built what came next For real. [Build - Accelerating] New towers! New workshops! Portals burning bright! Airships docking overhead, Technomagic in the night! We made the broken beautiful, Because that's what we do. And just when things were peaceful... Lumen found something new. [Music stops] A door. In the basement. That hadn't been there before. ... Oh, come on. You KNOW what happens next. [Verse 4 - Cabaret swing] Down the stairs we wandered Through the dust and dark, Past forgotten corridors Where sleeping gears would spark. Then lettering beneath the grime Appeared beneath my hand— CLOCKWORK CABARET. Oh... Now THIS I understand! Tables under covers, Velvet curtains on the stage, Old machines and faded programs, Another forgotten page. I found the master lever. [Lumen] Fidget... Don't worry! [Lumen] That concerns me more. I pulled it down— CLUNK! And the whole room came alive! [Final Chorus - Huge electroswing] TURN THE GEARS! LIGHT THE LAMPS! WAKE THE OLD MACHINES! Trade the smoke of battle For some nineteen-twenties dreams! Widget dressed in emerald! Lumen silver-blue! Archivist is standing there Pretending he hates this too! Break it! Mend it! That's the Archives way! Yesterday was Melongeddon, Now we're learning cabaret! We lost a garden, Built a home, Survived another war— Then found a hidden nightclub Behind a basement door! [Final Refrain] Funny how a story travels. Funny where it goes. You open one forbidden book And suddenly, who knows? The melon'ghul get loose. An AI comes alive. Hydroponics gets obliterated. Somehow we survive. We fight. We lose. We build. We mend. We find what time forgot. Maybe that's the secret. Maybe that's the plot. The Archivist preserves the past. Widget makes things run. Lumen lights the darkness. And I... I make things FUN! Raise the curtain! Start the band! Let every brass bell ring! We've had enough apocalypse. TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA SWING
