Maelstrom

My mind runs wild, then it freezes to stone I laugh like I'm fine, then I’m dead to the bone. Every wave hits like a knife in the chest I don’t feel halfway, I'm all in, nothing less. I feel something divine, shifts hit me like flames, Then I weep in the quiet, suffocating on shame Every thought is a fire, every word is a storm I don’t bend, I don’t break, I transform. I don’t trust the calm, it’s just holding its breath. Every peak feels like life, every drop feels like death. I’m spinning down into the maelstrom, Heart first, no anchor, no line. I'm not safe, I'm not stable, I only know what I feel in kind. If I burn, let me burn alive, If I drown, let me feel the pull. I’d rather be broken by the current, Than live sedated, numb and dull. I fall in love with the way it hurts, With the gravity, with the curse. Every promise is written in blood. Every high says, is this enough. I talk too fast, I feel too much, I ruin good things just to feel the rush. I know the spiral, I know the cost, Still chasing the high like I’m already lost. They say slow down, they say behave, But being calm feels like an early grave. I’m spinning down into the maelstrom, Tearing my balance apart. I don’t want quiet, I want lightning, I want chaos with a heart. If I shatter, let it be louder, If I sink, let me sink deep. I don’t fear the undertow, I fear being numb and asleep. I’m not broken, I’m emotional. I’m not sick, I’m just extreme. I don’t live in the middle, I live inside a waking dream. Love me loud or not at all, Hold me tight or let me go. I won’t survive half-feelings, I only know all or no. So pull me under the maelstrom, That’s where my reality lives. I was never made for shallow water, I was built for the abyss.