Arty McFarty

🎶 “The Ballad of Arty McFarty” 🎶 (in the style of Ray Stevens’ “The Streak”) [Spoken Intro] “Folks, you ain’t gonna believe this one… but I swear it’s true. His name’s Arty McFarty… and when he shows up, you better hold your nose!” ⸻ Verse 1 Here he comes, strutting down Main Street, Big ol’ grin and heavy feet, Stopped at the diner for a plate of beans— (💨 PFFFFFT!) “Lord have mercy, he split the seams!” Chorus 🎶 Arty McFarty—whooo-wee! Look at him blow! He’s got a built-in tuba everywhere he goes. Hide your children, cover your ears, Arty McFarty’s shiftin’ gears! 🎶 ⸻ Verse 2 He went to the movies on a Saturday night, Popcorn, soda, everything’s all right, Then halfway through the picture show— (💨 BLAAAT!) “Good grief, there goes the front row!” Chorus 🎶 Arty McFarty—ka-pow! Look at him scoot! Soundin’ like a duck with a leather boot. From the balcony down to the candy stand, Arty’s playin’ brass in a one-man band! 🎶 ⸻ Bridge (Spoken, frantic) “Ethel! Ethel! Hold your breath, Ethel!! …Too late. She already sniffed it.” ⸻ Verse 3 They tried to ban him from the county fair, Said “No more Arty—can’t have him there.” But when the marching band lost their bass, They called Arty up—he took his place! Final Chorus 🎶 Arty McFarty—woo doggies, what a sound! Shake the rafters, shake the ground. He don’t need no trumpet, don’t need no flute, Arty McFarty—just needs beans to toot! 🎶 [Spoken Outro] “And that, my friends, is the legend of Arty McFarty… A man who put the wind in wind instruments.”