Whiskers Goes Funky

Rap, hip hop, smooth catchy beat, Switches to funk, disco [Man = male vocals, lower voice, singer/spoken] [Whiskers = male vocals, higher pitch, rapper]

[Whiskers]  
(Spoken, dismissive)  
Pfft, rap’s yesterday’s tuna.  
This time, I’m feelin’ something groovy. I’m talkin’ 70’s, baby!  
Big afros, bell-bottoms, wah-wah guitars. Disco balls—yeah!

[Man]  
(Spoken, surprised) 
Wait, you want to do… funk?  
You can’t even stay on beat half the time!

[Whiskers]  
(Spoken, indignant) 
Excuse me? I’m Whiskers.  
I am the beat. Now hit it!

(Abrupt switch to funky disco beat with horns and bass)

[Whiskers]  
(Singing, funky groove)  
Bow chicka-wow, Whiskers in the house,  
Throw that catnip rap out—I’m bringin’ the funk now!  
Can’t you see, baby, it’s my time to shine,  
Glidin’ on the dance floor, feelin’ so divine!

Ooooh, yeah, boogie down, shake that tail,  
Gonna strut my stuff like a cat with a trail.  
No more Zooms, no more dates, no more sisters callin’,  
This disco king’s got the mirror ball spinnin’ and stallin’!

[Man]  
(Spoken, confused) 
Wait, what about your speed-dating disaster?  
Or that whole dragon in the kitchen thing?

[Whiskers]  
(Singing, sassily)  
Leave the past in the litterbox, let it all go,  
Whiskers’ got a new vibe, it’s all about the flow.  
Can you dig it, baby? Let me hear you say,  
“Feline funk is the groove of today!”

(Chorus, falsetto backup singers)  
Ooooh, Whiskers!

(Get funky, funky, funky now!)  
Ooooh, Whiskers!

(Shake your tail and show us how!)

[Whiskers]  
(Singing, breakdown)  
Skibbidy-bee-bop, funk on lock,  
Struttin’ like a king down the kitchen block.  
Glide to the left, spin to the right,  
This cat’s got moves to keep you up all night!

[Man]  
(Spoken, exasperated) 
Whiskers, you realize no one’s gonna take this seriously, right?  
You were a rap icon five minutes ago.

[Whiskers]  
(Spoken, smug)  
Oh, I’m sorry, did the King of Nip ask for your approval?  
Besides, rap’s been done. Funk is forever.

[Man]  
(Spoken, muttering) 
Funk is… okay. Sure.

[Whiskers]  
(Singing, big finish with horns and guitar)  
Bow chicka-wow, we’re bringin’ it back,  
Funky feline grooves on the ultimate track!  
Turn up the bass, let the horns go wild,  
Whiskers is here—he’s a funkified child!

(Chorus, falsetto backup singers)  
Ooooh, Whiskers!

(Get funky, funky, funky now!)  
Ooooh, Whiskers! 
 
(The coolest cat to wear a crown!)

[Whiskers]  
(Spoken, cool and collected)  
Man, I’m feelin’ good. Somebody get me a glittery cape.

[Man]  
(Spoken, groaning) 
Please tell me this is just a phase.

[Whiskers]  
(Spoken, sly)  
Oh, it’s not a phase. It’s a lifestyle.

(Outro with horns fading and disco ball shimmering)

2803/7500

[Man] (Spoken, skeptical) Whiskers, what are you doing? We’re supposed to be recording your next rap hit. You know, something classic—like Whiskers’ Catnip Chronicles or Whiskers Knows Best. [Whiskers] (Spoken, dismissive) Pfft, rap’s yesterday’s tuna. This time, I’m feelin’ something groovy. I’m talkin’ 70’s, baby! Big afros, bell-bottoms, wah-wah guitars. Disco balls—yeah! [Man] (Spoken, surprised) Wait, you want to do… funk? You can’t even stay on beat half the time! [Whiskers] (Spoken, indignant) Excuse me? I’m Whiskers. I am the beat. Now hit it! (Abrupt switch to funky disco beat with horns and bass) [Whiskers] (Singing, funky groove) Bow chicka-wow, Whiskers in the house, Throw that catnip rap out—I’m bringin’ the funk now! Can’t you see, baby, it’s my time to shine, Glidin’ on the dance floor, feelin’ so divine! Ooooh, yeah, boogie down, shake that tail, Gonna strut my stuff like a cat with a trail. No more Zooms, no more dates, no more sisters callin’, This disco king’s got the mirror ball spinnin’ and stallin’! [Man] (Spoken, confused) Wait, what about your speed-dating disaster? Or that whole dragon in the kitchen thing? [Whiskers] (Singing, sassily) Leave the past in the litterbox, let it all go, Whiskers’ got a new vibe, it’s all about the flow. Can you dig it, baby? Let me hear you say, “Feline funk is the groove of today!” (Chorus, falsetto backup singers) Ooooh, Whiskers! (Get funky, funky, funky now!) Ooooh, Whiskers! (Shake your tail and show us how!) [Whiskers] (Singing, breakdown) Skibbidy-bee-bop, funk on lock, Struttin’ like a king down the kitchen block. Glide to the left, spin to the right, This cat’s got moves to keep you up all night! [Man] (Spoken, exasperated) Whiskers, you realize no one’s gonna take this seriously, right? You were a rap icon five minutes ago. [Whiskers] (Spoken, smug) Oh, I’m sorry, did the King of Nip ask for your approval? Besides, rap’s been done. Funk is forever. [Man] (Spoken, muttering) Funk is… okay. Sure. [Whiskers] (Singing, big finish with horns and guitar) Bow chicka-wow, we’re bringin’ it back, Funky feline grooves on the ultimate track! Turn up the bass, let the horns go wild, Whiskers is here—he’s a funkified child! (Chorus, falsetto backup singers) Ooooh, Whiskers! (Get funky, funky, funky now!) Ooooh, Whiskers! (The coolest cat to wear a crown!) [Whiskers] (Spoken, cool and collected) Man, I’m feelin’ good. Somebody get me a glittery cape. [Man] (Spoken, groaning) Please tell me this is just a phase. [Whiskers] (Spoken, sly) Oh, it’s not a phase. It’s a lifestyle. (Outro with horns fading and disco ball shimmering)

0/500