Song Cover Image

Suicidal Again

NeonAstronaut
Dark, hypnotic alternative hip-hop with downtempo trap, trip-hop, and atmospheric electronic influences, Deep male vocals transformed through heavy Auto-Tune, formant shifting, subtle vocoder textures, saturation, distortion, bitcrushing, filtering, layered doubles, whispered harmonies, chopped vocal ad-libs, and cavernous reverb, creating an emotional yet robotic, dreamlike sound, Slow, hard-hitting 808s, crisp trap drums, sparse piano, moody analog synth pads, reversed textures, distant ambient guitar, vocal chops, cinematic risers, and deep sub bass, Minimal, spacious production with massive low end, wide stereo ambience, tape saturation, and hypnotic repetition, Nocturnal, melancholic, emotionally detached, mysterious, introspective, and immersive, with slow-building tension and unforgettable melodic hooks

[Intro] [Filtered vocals] I'm suicidal again... It's a game, I can't ever win... Probably just fuck it up again... Or if I succeed, I'm a coward in the end... But I'm... Tired... So tired of bein' scared... Tired of carryin' this pain... with me everywhere... It's... so heavy... All consumin'... It's my... everythin'... [Verse 1] Every mornin'... Feels the same... Open my eyes... Still wearin' this pain... Smile on my face... Just long enough... To fool the world... That I'm still tough... Nobody sees... The battle inside... The thousand times... I just survived... One more day... One more breath... Livin' somewhere... Between life and death... [Pre-Chorus] I don't wanna die... But don't wanna live... Don't know... How to keep... Carryin' this load... Every step... Feels heavy as stone... I'm tired of feelin'... So damn alone... [Chorus] I'm suicidal again... I want it to end... Want the hurt to stop... Please let this weight drop... I'm suicidal again... Talkin' in circles in my head... Sent my brother a text... He left it unread... Wonder how he'd feel... If that was the last words... He never said... [Verse 2] People always say... "It'll be alright..." Like those words... Can win this fight... I keep noddin'... Sayin' "I'm okay..." While pieces of me... Steady decay... Hope feels distant... Fear feels near... Wish that I could... Disappear... Still there's somethin'... Deep inside... Whisperin' softly... "Just survive..." [Bridge] [Sparse instrumental] Hopin' tomorrow... Won't hurt like today... But another sunrise... Can't change anything... It's only me... Sadly I've mostly... Given up... But a tiny part... Deep inside... Still wants... To try... [Final Chorus] I'm suicidal again... It's a game, I can't ever win... Probably just fuck it up again... Or if I succeed, I'm a coward in the end... But I'm... Tired... So tired of bein' scared... Tired of carryin' this pain... with me everywhere... It's... so heavy... All consumin'... It's my... everythin'... [Outro] [Filtered vocals] One more breath... One more dawn... I'm still here... Holdin' on... [Instrumental fades]