[Style: Fast, upbeat folk metal; powerful female folk vocalist with playful comedic storytelling. Galloping heavy guitars, fiddle, mandolin, whistles and pounding drums. Huge rowdy tavern-style singalong choruses with gang vocals. Whimsical medieval-fantasy chaos. Extended dueling electric guitar and violin solo.] [Verse 1 – Female Folk Vocal] Deep beneath the ancient mountain, past the traps and doors of stone, Sat an army of foul creatures getting bored down to the bone. Orcs were sharpening their axes, goblins gambling on the floor, An ogre counted ceiling bricks— He’d reached ten thousand four. The ghosts were haunting nobody, the ghouls had gone to sleep, The skeletons played poker while the dragon counted sheep. A zombie sighed, “Where ARE they? We’ve been waiting here since ten!” The dragon checked the hourglass. “Adventurers are late again.” [Pre-Chorus] No one fights! No one dies! Nothing’s happening, surprise! Someone groaned, “I’m bored as hell!” And then… A cupcake fell. [Brief Silence] [Orc] “…Who threw that?” [Verse 2 – Building] A goblin slowly raised his hand. “I may have thrown the cake.” The cupcake struck an ogre Squarely in the face by mistake. The ogre wiped the frosting From his eyebrow with a glare. Then picked up an entire pie… And launched it through the air! [Female Vocal] OH NO! [Pre-Chorus – Accelerating] Pies took flight! Soup was thrown! Someone launched a chicken bone! Duck your head! Protect your drink! THE DRAGON’S GOT THE KITCHEN SINK! [Chorus – Huge Tavern Singalong] FOOD FIGHT IN THE LABYRINTH! LET THE MAYHEM FLY! Spaghetti from the dungeon floor Is hanging from the sky! FOOD FIGHT IN THE LABYRINTH! Raise your battle cry! If you’ve never seen an ogre throw a pancake— NOW YOU KNOW WHY! [Verse 3] A skeleton loaded meatballs In his helmet like a sling, A zombie grabbed lasagna And began distributing! The goblins built a catapult From chairs and bits of rope, Then fired an entire wedding cake— The bride has lost all hope. Pizza slices hit the walls, Pancakes stuck like shields, A ghost flew through a bowl of soup And screamed across the fields— [Ghost] “I’M COVERED IN GRAVY!” [Female Vocal] “How is that even possible?” The dragon grabbed a sausage, Took three steps and let it fly— It sailed across the dungeon… And hit a gargoyle in the eye. [Gargoyle] “RIGHT! THAT’S IT!” [Instrumental Break – Dueling Guitar & Violin] [Violin launches into a frantic, playful folk melody] [Electric guitar answers with a blazing neoclassical run] [Violin responds with rapid dancing arpeggios] [Guitar fires back with sweep-picked shred] [Violin and guitar trade increasingly ridiculous rapid-fire phrases] [Mandolin joins beneath pounding double-time drums] [Both instruments accelerate into a screaming synchronized finale] [Sudden Stop] [Sound of Dungeon Door Opening] [Verse 4 – Quiet, Suspicious] The ancient dungeon doorway Slowly opened with a groan. Five legendary heroes Stepped dramatically through stone. A knight raised up his shining sword, The wizard raised his staff, The ranger drew an arrow— Then they saw the aftermath. An ogre dripping custard. An orc completely caked. A zombie wearing noodles. A troll covered in steak. The dragon had a pancake Stuck directly to his head. And every single monster froze… Completely caught red-handed. [Long Awkward Pause] [Knight] “…Is this a bad time?” [Dragon] “No.” [Wizard] “Are you sure?” [Dragon] “…Yes.” [Adventurer] “Right.” [Another Adventurer] “Different dungeon?” [Adventurer] “Different dungeon.” [Verse 5 – Building] The heroes slowly backed away, The doorway closed once more. Nobody moved or said a word. They stared down at the floor. The ogre looked at goblin. The goblin looked at ghoul. The dragon slowly peeled the pancake From between his horns. [Dragon, Deep Voice] “…Well, THAT was embarrassing.” [Brief Silence] A meatball hit him in the face. [Dragon] “WHO DID THAT?!” [Bridge – Explosive] THE GOBLINS! [Gang Vocals] THROW THE PIES! THE OGRES! [Gang Vocals] AIM THEM HIGH! THE UNDEAD! [Gang Vocals] PASS THE CAKE! THE DRAGON! [Gang Vocals] THREW A STEAK! [Final Chorus – Double-Time] FOOD FIGHT IN THE LABYRINTH! LET THE MAYHEM FLY! Macaroni fills the moat And meatballs fill the sky! FOOD FIGHT IN THE LABYRINTH! Hear the monsters cry! The heroes came to save the world— THEN TURNED AROUND GOODBYE! FOOD FIGHT IN THE LABYRINTH! Let the fiddle scream tonight! There may not be a battle— BUT THERE’S ONE HELL OF A FOOD FIGHT! [Huge Folk-Metal Finale] [Blazing Guitar & Violin Unison Run] [Final Hit] [Female Vocal, spoken] “Cleanup in the labyrinth.” [Deep Dragon Voice] “Not it.”
