Kitchen is a War Zone

[Intro: spoken] Dad said: "Kitchen is a lab." I said: "Explosions?" He said: "That's not what I meant." *(spoken, laughing softly)* hehe I said: "That's not what I heard." [Verse 1] Mom said two spoons. I used twelve. *(spoken, evaluating seriously)* The recipe lacked ambition. Dad: "That's not math." *(spoken, explaining casually)* We're doing kitchen math. I said: "Progress." He said: "Flame." Great discoveries start with smoke. He opened the windows. Then walked out. Still walking. [Pre-Chorus 1] Rice wouldn't cook. Gave it a pep talk. It stayed rice. Recipe said "medium." I chose "maximum." We had different goals. [Chorus] KITCHEN'S A WAR ZONE. Alarm leads the band. Better than me. Now it's more famous than me. I asked it for advice. Dad left. He said: "Fresh air." Three hours ago. He found it. Neighbors left too. Coincidence. Probably. [Verse 2] Googled "save this mess." Internet said: "Restart." I said: "That sounds like quitting." Started a whole new dish. It apologized first. Sauce wrong. Added juice. Juice wrong. Added more. More wrong. Added cheese. At that point: just clicking buttons. [Pre-Chorus 2] Tried salt. Sugar. Both. Optimism. Recipe had twelve steps. Skipped ten. I felt ready. The recipe did not. [Chorus] KITCHEN'S A WAR ZONE. Alarm leads the band. Better than me. Now it's more famous than me. I asked it for lessons. Dad left. He said: "Fresh air." Three hours ago. He found it. Neighbors left too. Coincidence. Probably. [Bridge] Mom: "Love is not in the recipe." I know. I lost the recipe. [Final Chorus] Technically: success. The experiment worked. Just not the food. [Punchline] Almost called the firefighters. Not for flames. For my cooking. My dad took one bite. Said: "Bit, that's liquid fire." That's when I realized... maybe twelve tablespoons was enough. [Outro] We survived. Kitchen still standing. Learned something. If you can't cook... order. Next time: their house. [Crowd cheers. Gong.]