THE SPACE RUNS Verse 1 Got abducted at midnight by a blueberry tractor beam, Playing Fortnite on the couch, thought I was still in a vanilla dream. Thought I hit the blunt too hard, vision looking cartoon, Next thing I know I’m waking up inside a chrome cocoon. Alien named Zoom wearing seven crystal chains, Snorting moon dust off a hoverboard, yelling out my name. Captain Glorbnak said Human come let’s have a fine dined feast. I was only slightly worried we’d have space beast. Barbecue crystal space swine mixed with some bubbled mud. I ate it with a smile though I wanted to throw up. Purple punch with glitter cubes, Neon noodles dipped in slime, Coffee that was mostly made of space lime. When I thought it was done we had some golden neon orange rye. But after hours of eating all this horrific space cuisine — I knew I was cooked because i knew I was about To shit my pants B. When I inquired with the crew where the bathroom was — they spit they’re milk nut juice right on the ground and said what— we don’t have those in outer space — we only burp space gas and lava snakes— next thing I knew I was spraying mud all over the deck aggressively. Red lights. Sirens. Everybody running fast. One alien crying softly in the corner of the room. One hitting screens with a space golf club and doing shrooms Another pushed me over to try and make me stop but I sprayed in his eye and he combusted into a fucking green rock. ⸻ Chorus Captain Glorbnak! You didn’t plan for this! Now you’re covered in my piss and my shit — and tragically most of your crew is dead Guess you should have shot me the head instead I thought you aliens were known for autopsy and studying every single part of the human body— Captain Glorbnak! How’d you miss the anus? Your co-pilot is hiding in a closet smoking alien meth — and it because he thinks we’re all fucking dead. Captain Glorbnak! Say it ain’t so! You missed the anus hole. Guess my shit and piss is spreading a disease that kills all aliens and gravy zombies. ⸻ Verse 2 Aliens running everywhere, Looking like they saw a giant green tuna fish monster from Mindoro. A highly respected alien general is coughing up blood and leaving a written note for his kids and mom. One alien slit his own throat and pressed eject on the space front door Another alien gouged out all 6 eyes and started saying he knew the universes future demise One started praying to Thrungleson 9 even though he wasn’t sure he believe his divine rhyme Seventeen gods appeared and tried to sell the captain used beer. Meanwhile I’m just on the ground screaming while my guts pour out. ⸻ Pre-Chorus Space nachos made with fargungle blood. Moon queso covered in radiated space dust. Asteroid enchiladas laced with fent and a guy from Saturn named Brent Black-hole hot sauce pissed all over my Comet coleslaw— Gravity piñatas at the space mall ⸻ Chorus Captain Glorbnak! You didn’t plan for this! Now you’re covered in my piss and my shit — and tragically most of your crew is dead Guess you should have shot me the head instead I thought you aliens were known for autopsy and studying every single part of the human body— Captain Glorbnak! How’d you miss the anus? Your co-pilot is hiding in a closet smoking alien meth — and it because he thinks we’re all fucking dead. Captain Glorbnak! Say it ain’t so! You missed the anus hole. Guess my shit and piss is spreading a disease that kills all aliens and gravy zombies. ⸻ Bridge Now 93 percent of the crew is dead— oh god how’d it get this bad? How these fucking aliens not know that humans bust? They should of have protocol that goes with lunch ⸻ Verse 3 Captain Glorbnak! Thanks for dropping me off? You wanna hit of my bong? He laughed and said if I see you again I’m actually gonna fucking kill you and release you into the space abyss. We’re enemies for life now — don’t second guess — you killed literally all 5 of my best friends and my sisters 3rd husband So count your lucky stars I’m dropping you off tonight— good luck with your disgusting poop life ⸻ Final Chorus Captain Glorbnak! You didn’t plan for this! Now you’re covered in my piss and my shit — and tragically most of your crew is dead Guess you should have shot me the head instead I thought you aliens were known for autopsy and studying every single part of the human body— Captain Glorbnak! How’d you miss the anus? Your co-pilot is hiding in a closet smoking alien meth — and it because he thinks we’re all fucking dead. Captain Glorbnak! Say it ain’t so! You missed the anus hole. Guess my shit and piss is spreading a disease that kills all aliens and gravy zombies…. And fucking pigeons from the Houndruses 7th moon… and landlords that don’t replace broken appliances.. and zebras because they are aggressive dickheads … and seaweed
