[Intro — lonely guitarrón, soft vihuela, one mournful violin. The singer speaks, exhausted.] [Spoken] Please... Please, señor. I am begging you. Just one quiet minute. [Verse 1 — restrained mariachi, slow and almost polite] I woke up to a trumpet At seven forty-three, Three violins were fighting For the last bit of peace. I closed every window, I locked every door, Then somebody shouted “¡Olé!” From somewhere on the floor. I said, “Friends, I mean no disrespect, Your music's very fine, But if that trumpet plays again, I'm stepping off the line.” [Pre-Chorus — trumpet answers every line, gradually getting louder] I offered them my money, I offered them my car, I offered them my house keys— They only played guitar. [Chorus — full mariachi burst, bright trumpets and rapid vihuela] ¡NO MÁS! ¡NO MÁS! Please make the music cease! ¡NO MÁS! ¡NO MÁS! I only ask for peace! I have confessed to everything, I've signed a dozen sheets! Just tell the band to stop, my friend— I'm begging on my knees! [Trumpet flourish — huge, cheerful ¡AY!] [Verse 2 — faster, more frantic; violin fills between vocal lines] I ran into the bathroom, They played outside the door. I climbed up on the rooftop— They were waiting there once more. I hid inside a closet, They serenaded me. I dug myself a tunnel And heard a guitarrón beneath. I shouted, “What do you want from me?” They shouted, “¡Cantar!” I said, “I don't speak Spanish!” They said, “That's where you are!” [Pre-Chorus — tempo rises, singer increasingly desperate] I begged them for a funeral, They asked me for a tune. I told them, “Play something quieter!” They played La Bamba at noon. [Brief stop — dead silence] [Spoken, whispering] ...Thank God. [One trumpet quietly enters.] Oh no. [Full band explodes] [Chorus — louder, faster, increasingly ridiculous] ¡NO MÁS! ¡NO MÁS! Please make the music cease! ¡NO MÁS! ¡NO MÁS! You've stolen all my peace! I'll give you gold! I'll give you land! I'll wash the horses! JOIN A DIFFERENT BAND! Just take your trumpets far away, Go bother someone else! I haven't slept in three damn days— I'M BEGGING FOR MY HEALTH! [Instrumental Break — extreme mariachi virtuosity. Rapid vihuela strumming, aggressive guitarrón, dueling trumpets, dramatic violin runs, shouted ¡AY! ¡AY! ¡AY! Every instrument gets progressively louder.] [Bridge — music suddenly drops to a single violin] [Soft, defeated vocal] Maybe... Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the music isn't evil. Maybe I simply... [Trumpet stab] ...hate it. [Violin answers with a ridiculous flourish.] I don't want revenge. I don't want to fight. I just want one evening Without a trumpet in sight. [Quietly] If someone has a shovel... [Trumpet BLAST] ¡AY! [Final Chorus — maximum intensity, frantic tempo, full mariachi orchestra] ¡NO MÁS! ¡NO MÁS! I'M LOSING MY MIND! ¡NO MÁS! ¡NO MÁS! PLEASE LEAVE ME BEHIND! I asked for silence— They gave me drums! I begged for mercy— HERE THE TRUMPET COMES! ¡NO MÁS! ¡NO MÁS! My final words are these: If this is how I die tonight, PLAY SOMETHING QUIET, PLEASE! [Outro — absurdly triumphant mariachi finale. Rapid trumpets, violin tremolo, pounding guitarrón and vihuela.] [Singer, buried beneath the orchestra] I... HATE... MARIACHI! [Band] ¡AYYYYYYYYY! [Final trumpet blast — abrupt silence.] [Whisper] ...Finally. [One tiny distant trumpet] [Whisper] No. [Trumpet sting] [End]
