ALL I WANT IS CASH ZYRO [Intro — Sweet Christmas Choir, Gentle Sleigh Bells] [Deep, Calm Spoken Voice] Dear Santa… I’ve been thinking about my wishlist. [Pause] Actually, fuck the wishlist. Just send the money. [Massive Bouncing 808 Drop] [Chorus — Deep, Catchy Rhythmic Rap] All I want is cash, cash, cash! Put it in a box with a big red sash! No socks, no mugs, no holiday trash, If it ain’t got a price tag— I’m sending it back! Cash, cash, cash! Santa better hurry, got a whole lotta plans! Jingle-jingle, hear that money in the bag, Merry fucking Christmas— All I want is cash! [Post-Chorus — Bouncy Bass, Playful Ad-Libs] Cha-ching! Cha-ching! Hear the sleigh bells ring! Cha-ching! Cha-ching! That’s my favorite Christmas thing! [Verse 1 — Deep, Sarcastic Rap] Auntie bought a sweater, got a reindeer on the chest, Said she spent the whole December picking out the very best. I said, “Thank you, it’s amazing,” with a smile on my face, Then I checked if I could sell it on an online marketplace. Uncle bought a candle, cousin bought a mug, Grandma gave me twenty and a really awkward hug. Got a Christmas cracker joke that was older than my dad, And a pair of festive slippers that I never knew I had. [Flow Switch — Fast, Playful] Gift card, bank card, black car, backyard, Credit score, shop floor, one more, work hard. Big dreams, small change, price range, loose change, Everybody buying shit they never needed in the first place! [Pre-Chorus — Deep, Mock-Serious] They say Christmas isn’t money. It’s the people that you love. I agree. [Pause] But if you’re sending something… [Whisper] Make it hundreds. [Chorus — Heavy Bass] All I want is cash, cash, cash! Put it in a box with a big red sash! No socks, no mugs, no holiday trash, If it ain’t got a price tag— I’m sending it back! Cash, cash, cash! Santa better hurry, got a whole lotta plans! Jingle-jingle, hear that money in the bag, Merry fucking Christmas— All I want is cash! [Verse 2 — Ultra-Fast Technical Rap] Got a monetary motivation, seasonal anticipation, Every shopping situation turns to financial devastation. Everybody wants a discount, everybody wants a payment, But the credit card’s exhausted from the festive celebration! [Rapid Multisyllabic Flow] Capital accumulation, fiscal re-evaluation, Holiday expenditure, excessive decoration. Budgetary complication, financial calculation, Santa needs an accountant and a debt consolidation! [Flow Switch — Cocky, Aggressive] Black boots, big moves, no clues, good news, Got a little side hustle bringing in the revenue. Cold nights, bright lights, long flights, high price, I don’t need a Christmas miracle— I need a better fucking price! Got a couple hundred reasons why I’m working through December, Not a single easy shortcut, that’s the part you gotta remember. I can joke about the money, I can laugh about the greed, But the freedom that it buys me is the thing I really need. [Breakdown — Music Box, Deep Spoken Voice] Santa… One more thing. No cryptocurrency. No gift cards. No fucking scented candles. [Pause] Cash. [Explosive 808 Drop] [Final Chorus — Maximum Energy] All I want is cash, cash, cash! Put it in a box with a big red sash! No socks, no mugs, no holiday trash, If it ain’t got a price tag— I’m sending it back! Cash, cash, cash! Santa better hurry, got a whole lotta plans! Jingle-jingle, hear that money in the bag, Merry fucking Christmas— All I want is cash! [Post-Chorus — Final Bouncing Bass] Cha-ching! Cha-ching! Hear the sleigh bells ring! Cha-ching! Cha-ching! That’s my favorite Christmas thing! [Outro — Deep, Dry Spoken Voice] Money can’t buy happiness. [Pause] But it can buy a plane ticket Away from this fucking family dinner. Merry Christmas. ZYRO. [Cash Register Ding — Hard Cut]
