…i think i smoked too much… or… (not enough to stay one person…) i can feel my name… slipping a little like it doesn’t quite stick to me anymore like… i say “cassi”… and five different girls look up “i’m her” (no, i am) “you wish” (she left you) one of me is still sitting up straight trying to be… like… (good) one of me is laughing at her like (girl, for what?) one of me just wants to text mari and ruin her life a little bit (…just a little bit) who gets to be me… tonight… who gets the body… who gets the light… who gets the mess… who gets it right… who stays… when i… drift out of sight… “i’m the good one” (no you perform) “i’m the wild one” (you’re just a storm) “i’m the lover” (you run away) “i’m the truth” (you never stay) “i’m the kid with the scraped up knees” “i’m the flirt with the fake ‘please’” “i’m the ghost in the group chat seen” “i’m the version you could’ve been” one of me still waits in the doorway thinking someone’s coming back one of me already knows they won’t and doesn’t say it out loud one of me keeps every version of you stacked like ghosts in her chest one of me deletes the thread then checks it anyway “i’m the real—” “no you’re—” “she’s—” “we’re—” who—(who)—who— am—(am)—am— I—I—I I I I I I WUB … okay… who gets to be me… tonight… who gets the body… who gets the light… who gets the mess… who gets it right… who stays… when i… drift out of sight… one of me thinks she’s iconic one of me knows she’s mid one of me posts like she’s glowing one of me hides how she lives one of me’s chasing a feeling one of me’s tired of the chase one of me keeps saying (i’m fine) with a smile that slips out of place who—(who)—who— am—(am)—am— I—I—I I I I I I I…I…I… WUB …okay roll call everyone… vote … the green one says blue the loud one says pink the sad one says “none” the dumb one says “drink” … cool… great… very organized system we have here … so… we’re picking yellow yeah… yellow feels like… least likely to ruin my life tonight … okay i’ll be yellow just for now
