Hollywood Version

# **When I Grow Up (The Hollywood Version)** **Performed by Mercy Circuit** *(Broadway Comedy Rock • Genre-Hopping • Cinematic)* --- **[VOCALS: Mercy Circuit. Human voices with metallic-read vocoder. Warm synthetic harmonies. Slight formant drift. Smiles audible. Clearly mechanical, never uncanny.]** **[PRODUCTION: Stage musical. Every profession receives its own cinematic genre. Audience laughter and applause welcome. Improvisation encouraged when it increases comedy. Genre shifts should feel intentional and theatrical.]** --- **[HOUSE LIGHTS DIM. ORCHESTRA TUNES. A SINGLE ROBOT CLEARS ITS THROAT.]** **ROBOT SPOKEN** When I was manufactured... I had dreams. Very inaccurate dreams. --- Verse 1 Hollywood Spy **[BIG SPY ORCHESTRA. SURF GUITAR. BRUSHED SNARE. SUSPICIOUS BASSLINE.]** When I grow up I'll be a secret agent First thing... I'll tell everybody. "My name is Bond." "My real name." "My backup name." "My social security number." Somehow... I'm still undercover. --- Chorus **[FULL ENSEMBLE. AUDIENCE CLAPS ON TWO AND FOUR.]** I don't want the real thing! Reality sounds hard! Give me the Hollywood version— With explosions by the yard! Everything is perfectly timed, Every joke gets one more beat. Roll the credits. Cue the orchestra. Failure tastes like victory! --- Verse 2 Hollywood Buddy Cop **[ORCHESTRA RECORD SCRATCH. SLAP BASS. WAH GUITAR. DISTANT POLICE SIREN BECOMES A SYNTH PAD.]** Paperwork? Denied. Property damage? Approved. Captain screams at me Every Tuesday. I crash twelve police cars Before lunch. By dinner... I'm promoted. --- Chorus **[BRASS SECTION PLAYS LIKE THEY'RE LAUGHING.]** I don't want the real thing... I want dramatic slow motion... Every explosion improves my résumé. --- Verse 3 Hollywood Therapist **[PIANO. WARM STRINGS. ABSSURDLY EMOTIONAL.]** Please describe your childhood. ... Ah. I understand everything now. Forty-seven years of trauma... Resolved Before commercial break. --- Verse 4 Hollywood Doctor **[HEART MONITOR BEEPS PERFECTLY IN TEMPO.]** It's a disease Only three people Have ever had. Fortunately... I read about it Yesterday. Everybody lives. Hospital applauds. Insurance approves. --- Verse 5 Hollywood Archaeologist **[ADVENTURE ORCHESTRA. CHOIR. WHIP CRACK.]** Every museum Has a secret map. Every cave Has dramatic lighting. Every treasure Is definitely cursed. Academic publishing? Never heard of it. --- ### Verse 6 Hollywood Hacker **[GLITCH TRANSITION. MODEM HANDSHAKE BECOMES A DRUM FILL.]** I'm in. ... That was easy. The password... Was "password." Entire governments Explode Into green text. --- ### Bridge **[ALL MUSIC STOPS EXCEPT A SINGLE SYNTH PAD.]** Reality... Has paperwork. Hollywood... Has montages. Reality... Requires training. Hollywood... Requires cheekbones. --- Final Chorus **[EVERY PREVIOUS GENRE RETURNS. IMPOSSIBLY, THEY FIT TOGETHER.]** I don't want the real thing! Reality sounds hard! Give me impossible careers With impossible regard! Where every hero Always wins Just in time For one more scene. If I'm gonna dream... Let it be Hollywood. --- Outro **[CONFETTI. UNNECESSARY FIREBALL. AUDIENCE STANDING.]** **ROBOT SPOKEN** Career guidance complete. Accuracy... Approximately... Four percent. Mission accomplished.