I lie to Myself...

V5.5

Drawn from “The Wreck,” this song echoes the tragic journey of the Astrosphere and the souls bound to her deck.

Logbook of the Astrosphere
Entry the Fourth
This 3rd day of June, in the Year of Our Lord 1650
By the hand of the Lost Sailor

The night watch is mine, and God bear witness, I would rather face the blackest depths than what this hour hath brought.

The storm fell upon us without mercy. The wind howls as a living thing, and the sea strikes the hull as though it would claim us entire. The deck runs like a river beneath my feet, and each step I take is borrowed from death.

Whilst I kept my post, there came from the navigation room a cry most dreadful—no common shout of labour or alarm, but a sound torn from the throat of a man undone. Then others followed, mingled in terror, as if something unseen had set upon them.

I stood but a moment, my courage near spent, for I knew well no good thing awaited within. Yet to remain was a coward’s choice, and so I turned toward that cursed door.

The passage was near impassable. The ship pitched so violently I was thrown against the rail, near cast into the abyss below. The rain blinded me, the wind stole my breath, and still those cries did call me onward.

I made what progress I could, clinging to rope and timber, each pace a trial of will. The lanterns gave no steady light, but swung like mad stars, casting shadows that moved where no man stood.

Now I am come within but a few paces of the navigation room.

It’s dark above the sea.
The hull moans [distant crowd surge, echoing, slightly distorted]
I’m still here. But it’s swaying...

[Verse 1 – soft male vocal, intimate, slightly detached, close mic, minimal effects]

The sky collapses, sails in tears,
The deck bends low, a cry it bears.
The hold is full of useless things,
In the mirror..... I find myself rather handsome

[Chorus – airy female backing vocals wide stereo, soft reverb, steady drums, no dynamic peak]

I lie to myself… (Liar!)
Say we’ll make it through somehow,
That the sea won’t rise too high.
I lie to myself… (I lie…)
Paint the leaks with shades of gold,
While the crew dreams in the hold.

[Verse 2 – same structure, slightly increased vocal tension, subtle bass presence, tight dry snare]

We burned the oil, we burned the wings,
We chased the beasts to vanishing.
The ship groans deep beneath our lace,
All’s gone but madness in its place.

[Chorus – layered crowd call-and-response, restrained energy, no full explosion]

(I lie to myself…)
Say the gods will show again,
That a port lies past the rain.
I lie to myself… (Liar!! Liar!!…)
Count my coins, redraw the maps,
While my children fade to black.

[Bridge – whispered spoken voice, very close mic, low ambient drone, subtle guitar harmonics]

The hull is sweating with our silence.
The silt reclaims our broken vows.
The engines blaze in sudden violence…
They know nothing of the cracks we plough.

[Instrumental – nervous, angular clean guitar solo, no distortion, erratic phrasing, dry mix]

[Final Chorus – slower tempo, stripped arrangement, chaotic low drums, wind ambience, raw vocal pushed]

I lie to myself… (LIAR!)
Pretend I’m still alive (LIAR!),
I play the king, I fake the size.
(LIAR! LIAR!)
Maybe I chose the wrong captain?

But I lie… I LIE TO MYSELF!!! … (I lie…)

[Outro ]

[Verse 3 – vocal strained, fighting the mix, unstable rhythm, minimal instrumentation]

I stand proud on the bowsprit,
The storm slaps hard —
I play brave (WE PLAY BRAVE!!!)
But my mind’s already split —
I fear the truth… and I’ve no save.

[End ]

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Drawn from “The Wreck,” this song echoes the tragic journey of the Astrosphere and the souls bound to her deck. Logbook of the Astrosphere Entry the Fourth This 3rd day of June, in the Year of Our Lord 1650 By the hand of the Lost Sailor The night watch is mine, and God bear witness, I would rather face the blackest depths than what this hour hath brought. The storm fell upon us without mercy. The wind howls as a living thing, and the sea strikes the hull as though it would claim us entire. The deck runs like a river beneath my feet, and each step I take is borrowed from death. Whilst I kept my post, there came from the navigation room a cry most dreadful—no common shout of labour or alarm, but a sound torn from the throat of a man undone. Then others followed, mingled in terror, as if something unseen had set upon them. I stood but a moment, my courage near spent, for I knew well no good thing awaited within. Yet to remain was a coward’s choice, and so I turned toward that cursed door. The passage was near impassable. The ship pitched so violently I was thrown against the rail, near cast into the abyss below. The rain blinded me, the wind stole my breath, and still those cries did call me onward. I made what progress I could, clinging to rope and timber, each pace a trial of will. The lanterns gave no steady light, but swung like mad stars, casting shadows that moved where no man stood. Now I am come within but a few paces of the navigation room. It’s dark above the sea. The hull moans [distant crowd surge, echoing, slightly distorted] I’m still here. But it’s swaying... [Verse 1 – soft male vocal, intimate, slightly detached, close mic, minimal effects] The sky collapses, sails in tears, The deck bends low, a cry it bears. The hold is full of useless things, In the mirror..... I find myself rather handsome [Chorus – airy female backing vocals wide stereo, soft reverb, steady drums, no dynamic peak] I lie to myself… (Liar!) Say we’ll make it through somehow, That the sea won’t rise too high. I lie to myself… (I lie…) Paint the leaks with shades of gold, While the crew dreams in the hold. [Verse 2 – same structure, slightly increased vocal tension, subtle bass presence, tight dry snare] We burned the oil, we burned the wings, We chased the beasts to vanishing. The ship groans deep beneath our lace, All’s gone but madness in its place. [Chorus – layered crowd call-and-response, restrained energy, no full explosion] (I lie to myself…) Say the gods will show again, That a port lies past the rain. I lie to myself… (Liar!! Liar!!…) Count my coins, redraw the maps, While my children fade to black. [Bridge – whispered spoken voice, very close mic, low ambient drone, subtle guitar harmonics] The hull is sweating with our silence. The silt reclaims our broken vows. The engines blaze in sudden violence… They know nothing of the cracks we plough. [Instrumental – nervous, angular clean guitar solo, no distortion, erratic phrasing, dry mix] [Final Chorus – slower tempo, stripped arrangement, chaotic low drums, wind ambience, raw vocal pushed] I lie to myself… (LIAR!) Pretend I’m still alive (LIAR!), I play the king, I fake the size. (LIAR! LIAR!) Maybe I chose the wrong captain? But I lie… I LIE TO MYSELF!!! … (I lie…) [Outro ] [Verse 3 – vocal strained, fighting the mix, unstable rhythm, minimal instrumentation] I stand proud on the bowsprit, The storm slaps hard — I play brave (WE PLAY BRAVE!!!) But my mind’s already split — I fear the truth… and I’ve no save. [End ]

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