どうしようもなく寂しいありがとう
[Verse 1] ほどけそうな呼吸を 両手で包みながら 消えないでと願うほど 静けさが近づいてくる 白く滲んだ時間の中 世界はキミだけになる [Pre-Chorus] 握り返す力が 少しずつ遠くなる なんでこんなこと… 無力に響く呼びかける声 [Chorus 1] 小さくなる息づかい 涙で滲む視界の向こう どこか安心したように 見つめる瞳はまっすぐで さよならじゃないとか また会おうねとか 言葉にならない嘘ばかり浮かんで 最期にこぼれた声は 疲れたよね おやすみ …だった [Verse 2] その日の空は不思議なくらい 澄み渡っていて 真っ直ぐ昇る透明な揺らぎを ただ見上げていた 自由になれたのかな 今はそう思いたい 胸の奥の空白は 埋まりそうに無いよ [Pre-Chorus 2] 昨日まであった温もりが 指の隙間から零れてく こんなの薄情だ… 押し寄せる自己嫌悪の波 [Chorus 2] 瞳の奥に私がいて 心配だよって言ってるようで 何度も戻ろうとしてた その優しさに 締め付けられる寂しさよりも 手に残る温度よりも 上を向いていたい キミがくれた日々で [Bridge] あの時のキミはきっと 苦しさと愛の想いの 渦の中にいたんだよね… 枯れない涙が心底嫌いだ [Final Chorus] 泣きたい時には泣くよ 名前も呼ぶよ何度でも それでも許してよ キミはずっと 私の時間にいるから 立ち止まりそうな日は あの日に見た想いを 思い出して踏み出すよ [Outro] 沢山の献花に埋もれた 写真の前で少し笑って 小さく誓う どうしようもなく寂しい ありがとうを抱きしめて キミの好きだった春を待つよ --------------------------------------- English Lyrics [Verse 1] Holding your fading breath In the cradle of both my hands The more I beg you not to fade The closer silence draws near In time blurred white and soft The whole world shrinks to just you [Pre-Chorus] The strength in your grip Slipping slowly farther away Why is this happening… My helpless voice echoes back unanswered [Chorus 1] Your breathing growing smaller Through tear-blurred eyes I see Somewhere in those eyes, a quiet relief Staring straight and steady at me It’s not goodbye, we’ll meet again Words like that, comforting lies Flood my mind, but never form The last sound that slipped from you Was “You’re tired now… goodnight” [Verse 2] The sky that day was strangely clear So perfectly, impossibly blue I just kept staring up At the straight, transparent shimmer rising Were you finally free? That’s what I want to believe right now This hollow space inside my chest Feels like it’ll never fill again [Pre-Chorus 2] The warmth that was here just yesterday Leaks through the gaps between my fingers This feels so heartless… Waves of self-loathing crash over me [Chorus 2] I was there inside your eyes Like you were saying “I’m worried about you” You kept trying to turn back With that same gentle kindness More than the ache of being squeezed by loneliness More than the lingering heat in my palms I want to keep looking up Into the days you gave me [Bridge] Back then, you must have been Caught right in the middle of the whirlpool Of pain and all the love you felt… I hate these tears that never seem to dry [Final Chorus] When I want to cry, I’ll let the tears come I’ll call your name over and over Please forgive me for that Because you’re always here Living inside my time On days when I feel like I can’t move forward I’ll remember the feelings I saw that day And take another step [Outro] In front of your photo, buried under so many flowers I manage a small smile And whisper a quiet promise to myself I hold tight to this unbearable loneliness And to the “thank you” that means everything Waiting for the spring you always loved **************************************** My beloved dog, who had been by my side for 18 years, has passed away and gone to heaven. I wrote this song as I tried to face my grief head-on and sort out my feelings, so I'm truly sorry if these words hurt you now... On the morning of February 13th, after three days and nights of labored breathing, the vet gently euthanized him, and I held him in my arms as he was eased in pain. I hesitated until the very last moment, and because of that, I caused him more pain than he should have endured. The guilt over that choice, combined with an unfathomable sense of loss, made me lose control of everything. I was unable to do any creative work, either. An older friend gently encouraged me, saying, "This is something only family can do," and I somehow managed to get through the funeral. But for the next few days, I felt like an empty shell, my mind breaking down. I escaped into work, trying to ease my loneliness no matter how hard I tried, but everything felt wrong. The familiar streets and rooms seemed like a completely different world. "I'd heard rumors, but did this really look like it..." I thought, and a sense of emptiness washed over me every day. I decided I had to accept reality little by little, so I listened to a lot of music. The songs carried me forward, as if they were supporting my body. But the more I tried to accept it, the more I felt the opposite was happening. His warmth, his fur, the weight I felt on my body, all of which had once been so pure. With each passing day, these things quietly faded away. So as not to lose them completely, so as never to forget what I felt from him in his final moments, and to remind myself how I want to live my life from now on, I decided to put everything into this song. If anyone who is currently experiencing the same painful sense of loss listens to this song... and it helps them to sort out their feelings, even just a little, it would be the greatest joy for me. For me, this song is quickly becoming the starting point for me to start creating again. I want to continue creating with his love in my heart.
