[Intro — spoken, flat, tired] In a minute In ten After this After that But first... [Verse 1 — rap, building frustration] In a minute I'll start, just give me a minute Ten minutes later the minute's still in it After this episode, after this drink After I've had a little more time to think But first let me check it, but first let me see But first let me build another reason to not be Everything I was supposed to become Is rotting in the corner where I said I'd begun [Pre-Chorus — tense, almost cracking] I can see it but I can't move toward it I can feel it but I won't reach out and hold it I can name it but I'll never go and own it Just standing at the door watching futures decompose [Chorus — huge, melodic, raw pain under the anger] This is castration Killing what I could've been before it's born Slow amputation Every but and first another future torn I did this I held the blade and called it waiting I did this And everything I should have built is fading [Verse 2 — heavier, more specific, more venom at self] Stunted by the gaps between the plan and the do The delay is the disease and the disease is you You built a wall of afters like a fortress of sand Then acted surprised when there was nothing left to stand Ten thousand tomorrows and they all looked the same Borrowed time with interest and you never repaid Preventing, breaking, stunting every version of me That needed me to move and I just — didn't [Pre-Chorus] I can see it but I can't move toward it I can feel it but I won't reach out and hold it I can name it but I'll never go and own it Just standing at the door watching futures decompose [Chorus] This is castration Killing what I could've been before it's born Slow amputation Every but and first another future torn I did this I held the blade and called it waiting I did this And everything I should have built is fading [Bridge — spoken word, near silence, single string note underneath] You want to know what procrastination actually is? It's not laziness It's not fear It's standing in front of your own life With your hands around its throat And telling yourself you'll let go In a minute In ten After this After that But first... [Breakdown — tribal percussion, full drop] BUT FIRST / BUT FIRST / BUT FIRST / BUT FIRST No more buts No more firsts No more after No more worse MOVE [Outro — melodic, exhausted, finally honest] I can picture it now I always could I was just too busy Standing in the way But first is over But first is done The only thing left Is to become
