[Verse 1] I woke up in a hospital bed Thought I was dead or maybe just the meds Golden Girls reruns on the screen Pretty sure Blanche winked at me There’s a nurse with a mullet, holding my chart And the lights flicker like they’re about to restart I swear I saw Michael J. Fox in the hall Wearing scrubs, playing basketball [Pre-Chorus] And someone called to check on me Or maybe it was a dream on channel three [Chorus] Joanna Kerns, thanks for the call You really helped me through it all I don’t remember what you said But I feel better, I’m not dead And if you see Meredith Baxter-Birney Tell her she’s my emergency attorney [Verse 2] The jello’s green, the clock’s a lie I just high-fived a Family Tie There’s a duck in scrubs with a British voice And I think I just heard “Sophie’s Choice” Daniel walks in with a Diet Coke I ask him where he keeps his cloak He laughs and says, “Wrong universe— You’re confusing me with Doogie Howser’s nurse.” [Pre-Chorus 2] And someone fluffed my pillows twice It might’ve been Florence from The Jeffersons, right? [Chorus] Joanna Kerns, thanks for the call You really helped me through it all I don’t remember what you said But I feel better, I’m not dead And if you see Alyssa Milano Tell her she still owes me that soprano [Bridge – slowing, tender] But the fog lifts like a curtain rise I blink twice and clear my eyes It’s not TV—it’s something true And Daniel’s there, like he always will do [Final Chorus – sweetly sincere] Joanna Kerns, you were a dream But Daniel’s real, or so it seems With hoodie strings and tired eyes He never left, not once, not shy So thank you, 80s TV moms But he’s the one who kept me calm [Tag – spoken/sung] (And he brought me a smoothie... with two straws. Iconic.) [Outro – soft synth sparkle and warm piano chord fade]
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