[Intro] [Scratches, synth stabs, heavy 808 beat] Yo, check it, clap it up for the funky boomer, your favorite historian of things that were "better back then" [Verse 1] [Boomer Rant] Suburban dreams in my cul-de-sac lair Lawn perfectly trimmed, like anybody cares Got my Barcalounger, TV's loud and clear News turned up to eleven, just to taste your tears [Chorus] [Funky Beat, DJ scratches] Funky Boomer, that's my name Back in my day, we actually felt the pain Got my pension, got my peace Pulled the ladder up, now I'm talkin' 'bout "increase" [Verse 2] [Boomer Complaint] Damn kids screamin', playin' in the street On your TikTok grind while you can't pay heat My problem's hemorrhoids and finding the remote You’re fightin' for healthcare, I’m mad about my boat [Chorus] [Funky Beat, DJ scratches] Funky Boomer, that's my name If you worked harder, you could do the same (sure you could) Got my pension, got my peace Signed the climate ‘L’ and called it "free enterprise," capisce? [Verse 3] [Generational Flex] I bought my house on a part‑time wage Now I’m shakin’ my fist at your rent‑trap rage "Stop buyin’ lattes," that’s my TED Talk line While my fifth vacation’s on your overtime Got a two‑car garage and a third I don’t use Givin’ hustle advice on the six o’clock news Say "nobody wants to work" from my RV chair While the nurse on a double shift tucks me with care [Chorus] [Funky Beat, DJ scratches] Funky Boomer, that's my name Tellin’ you to grind while I rigged the game Got my pension, got my peace Bought the dip in ‘80, now I feast, you get the least [Bridge] [Synth Break, echoing vocals] I paid my dues, climbed the ladder high Then kicked it down and told you all "just try" Don't need your drama, don't need your strife Just wanna gatekeep my Funky Boomer life [Verse 4] [Half‑Awake Reflection] Scrollin’ through the comments on my Facebook page Caps‑lock wisdom, boomer sage "Kids these days don’t know sacrifice" Typed on a phone I upgrade twice Part of me wonders if I missed the point While I blame your tears on a weak‑ass joint But the beat keeps knockin’, ego stays on If I said I was sorry, would the funk be gone? [Chorus] [Funky Beat, DJ scratches] Funky Boomer, that's my name Takin' all the credit, duckin' all the blame Got my pension, got my peace Watch me brag about the housing price increase [Outro] [Record Scratch, fades out with 808 beat and synth stabs] Funky Boomer... yeah... worship my student-loan-free throne... Word-ish.
