Mrs. Claus was waiting in her favorite red lace With a wicked little grin on her innocent face Santa stumbled in at a quarter past three She said, "Lock that door, you've got a present for me!" He said, "Baby, I've been riding all night!" She said, "Then park that sleigh and hold me tight!" He said, "My poor old back ain't what it used to be!" She said, "Good thing you're not climbing a chimney!" She checked his list and tossed it aside Said, "Tonight, big boy, you're taking my ride!" He said, "I've got toys that still need stuffing!" She said, "Keep talking, Santa, you're saying something!" Put your candy cane where my stocking hangs! Ring those bells till the whole house bangs! You've been sliding down chimneys all over this town Now Mrs. Claus wants a little up and down! Shake that belly, make those bedposts knock! You've got till morning to beat the clock! Forget those cookies, forget that pie I've got something sweeter that'll make you fly! Santa said, "Honey, I'm running on fumes!" She said, "Then follow me into the bedroom!" He said, "I need a nap and a nice hot drink!" She said, "I've got a better way to make you pink!" She grabbed his belt and pulled him near Whispered something naughty in his ear He turned so red that his beard looked pale And Rudolph started laughing outside the rail! She said, "You've got twelve months to get some rest!" He said, "Woman, you're putting me to the test!" She said, "You've been good for the whole darn year!" He said, "Then why am I trembling standing here?" Put your candy cane where my stocking hangs! Ring those bells till the whole house bangs! You've been sliding down chimneys all over this town Now Mrs. Claus wants a little up and down! Shake that belly, make those bedposts knock! You've got till morning to beat the clock! Forget those cookies, forget that pie I've got something sweeter that'll make you fly! Santa, how's your Christmas spirit? It's coming back! I think I feel it! And can you handle one more round? My boots are already on the ground! Then take that coat and throw it away! But darling, it's Christmas Day! I've got a wish you can't ignore! Good heavens, woman, lock the door! The elves heard banging from the second floor Then Santa hollered, "I can't take no more!" Mrs. Claus just laughed and said, "That's what you get for bringing toys to bed!" Put your candy cane where my stocking hangs! Ring those bells till the whole house bangs! You've been sliding down chimneys all over this town Now Mrs. Claus wants a little up and down! Shake that belly, make those bedposts knock! You've got till morning to beat the clock! Forget those cookies, forget that pie I've got something sweeter that'll make you fly! By sunrise Santa could barely stand Mrs. Claus was smiling, holding his hand He said, "Next Christmas, I'm taking a break!" "That's fine, sweetheart. We've still got New Year's Eve!" "OH, FOR THE LOVE OF CHRISTMAS!"
