THE DAY I BECAME A FEMBOY THURSDAY MORNING Thursday morning. I wake up late. Sun through the window. Everything feels great. I stretch in my bed. Scratch my head. Something feels different. I look down. … What the fuck? I run to the bathroom. Look into the mirror. Long hair. Cute face. Tiny little waist. I stare at myself. “…Oh no.” I turn around. Turn back. Look again. “Oh, fuck.” Apparently overnight— I BECAME A FEMBOY. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I don’t remember doing anything Before I went to sleep last night. But here I am. Thursday morning. And apparently… I’m fucking adorable. ⸻ I walk downstairs. My neighbor sees me. Drops his coffee. He says: “NO FUCKING WAY.” I say: “What?” He starts crying. “IT FINALLY HAPPENED!” I say: “What’s happening?” He runs away. Comes back with flowers. “These are for you.” I say: “…Thanks?” Then another guy walks over. He’s holding a gift basket. Then another. Then another. “What is going on?” Someone hands me chocolate. Someone gives me a plushie. Someone gives me a fucking bouquet of roses. I’m getting weird looks. People are whispering. People are smiling. Everybody seems extremely excited. And honestly… I kinda like the attention. … Not gonna admit it. Nope. Absolutely not. I don’t care. Not even a little. … Okay, maybe a little. ⸻ I walk down the street. People turn their heads. I hear: “Oh my God.” “He’s so cute.” “LOOK AT HIM!” I say: “Can everyone please stop staring at me?” They don’t. Someone gives me a hoodie. Someone gives me a skirt. Someone gives me cat ears. I say: “Where the fuck did you guys get these?” They say: “For you.” I look at the clothes. … I put the hoodie on. “It’s actually pretty comfortable.” I immediately regret saying that. ⸻ Maybe I could take advantage Of the situation. Maybe this isn’t so bad. Maybe I could have a little fun. Maybe I could— NOPE. Nope. There’s a line. There’s always a line. Because now the thirsty people have arrived. And they’re getting way too excited. One guy says: “Hey, beautiful.” I say: “Don’t.” Another says: “Can I get your number?” “No.” Another: “Can I take you out?” “No.” Another: “Can I—” “NO.” “Can I at least—” “NO!” “Can I buy you dinner?” … I pause. “What kind?” ⸻ I’M A FEMBOY! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?! Everybody’s looking at me. Everybody wants to meet me. Everybody’s bringing me gifts. And I’m standing here thinking: “…This is kinda nice.” But I won’t admit it. NOPE. I’m not admitting shit. I’m still me. Just… Apparently cuter now. ⸻ I try to go back home. There’s a crowd outside my house. I say: “Guys, seriously.” Someone yells: “HE’S COMING OUT!” I say: “I LIVE HERE!” They cheer. Someone throws flowers. Someone throws a plushie. Someone throws a fucking bag of gummy bears. I catch it. … “Okay, these are pretty good.” The crowd cheers louder. I realize my mistake. “OH, FUCK.” Now they’re throwing candy. ⸻ Thursday morning. I woke up different. I don’t know how this happened. I don’t know who did this. But apparently the entire fucking neighborhood Is celebrating. I’m getting gifts. I’m getting attention. I’m getting compliments. And honestly? … I’m starting to get used to it. Then somebody whispers: “Can I touch your hair?” I turn around. “Absolutely fucking not.” I walk inside. Lock the door. Pull the curtains. Finally. Peace. Quiet. Privacy. I look in the mirror. … I fix my hair. Adjust my hoodie. Turn sideways. … “Okay.” Pause. “I look pretty fucking good.” I smile. Then immediately stop smiling. “Nobody heard that.” From outside: “WE HEARD THAT!” “OH, FUCK OFF!” THE DAY I BECAME A FEMBOY! I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS! THE DAY I BECAME A FEMBOY! NOW EVERYBODY WANTS A PIECE! THE DAY I BECAME A FEMBOY! … Maybe this isn’t so bad. … Don’t tell anybody I said that.
