Evening, dolls and devils. Dr. Felix Fingerly here, Park Avenue’s favorite back-door man. Had me a day so perfect I’m still humming in B-flat. Hit it, Rico… I got sunshine… on a colon, Moonlight gleamin’ off a shiny swollen colon, Roses bloomin’ where the sun don’t dare, ’Cause today I spent eight happy hours in there! Oh what a beautiful mornin’, Oh what a beautiful day, I got a beautiful feelin’ Everything’s comin’ my way! Mrs. Vanderbilt the Third came in, Said “Doctor, I’m tight as a drum!” I slipped on the glove with a devilish grin, And whispered, “Relax, here I come!” Two feet of scope and a wink of the eye, Found a polyp the size of a grape, She sighed so sweet when I snipped it just right, Like Sinatra hittin’ that cape! Oh what a beautiful mornin’, Oh what a beautiful day, I got a beautiful feelin’ My finger’s in clover all day! Young starlet from Hollywood next, Nervous as a kitten in heat, I said “Turn your head and think of the Coast, Now cough for me, darling, that’s sweet!” The camera rolled, the lights were low, I found her future so bright, A perfect pink tunnel with star quality glow, Booked her for pictures tonight! Oh what a beautiful mornin’ (beautiful mornin’!), Oh what a beautiful day (beautiful day!), I’ve got a wonderful feelin’ Every rectum’s pointin’ my way! Some cats dig money, some dig fame, Me, I just love a good game Of “guess what this is” with a lubricated fist, And a patient who moans my name! So here’s to the gas and the glorious view, Here’s to the things we can’t say on the air, When the stars align and the sigmoid shines, It’s a helluva day back there! Oh what a beautiful mornin’, Oh what a beautiful day, I got a beautiful feelin’ The whole world’s turning… the Fingerly way! Close the light, nurse. That last one tipped twenty percent… and left me her parking validation. Life is good when you’re elbow-deep in Park Avenue.
