Dave’s Discount Cybernetics

[Intro] [distorted electric guitar riff, driving drums] Yeah! [Verse 1] [shouted male vocals] Did you lose a finger in a fireworks-related incident? Need affordable robot enhancements? Then visit David's Discount Cybernetics! Located behind the abandoned skating rink And beside the mysteriously humming RadioShack! [guitar riff flourish] [Chorus] At David's! We specialize in affordable future technology for every day hard-working Americans! [double-time drums] We install robot knees! Laser eyes! Bluetooth molars! Titanium elbows and ham radio implants! No insurance required! Probably because we lost our medical license in 2009! [music stops] (Stop moving, Carl!) Hold still, Carl! Your spine is updating! [Chorus 2] [full band re-enters] David's Discount Cybernetics! Humanity is optional! Monthly payments available! If your credit score survived the incident! [Bridge] [palm-muted guitar chugging] Ask about our newest upgrade package: The Divorce Recovery Battle Arm! Features include: built-in cigarette lighter, Emergency flashlight, beer bottle opener, and enhanced slapping strength! Perfect for: bar fights, raccoon defense, and emotionally difficult cookouts! [drum fill] [Outro] [sustained guitar feedback] Blue man whispering! [high-pitched vocal scream] Ever since David installed my robot leg, I can hear dolphins thinking! David's Discount Cybernetics! The future is weird and somehow legally operational! David's Discount Cybernetics! Is not responsible for: magnetic nightmares, accidental satellite communication, Spontaneous dial-up noises, or customers becoming too powerful! Unplug him before he learns tax fraud! [final power chord, crash cymbal]