[Intro] (Check, one two, check) (Is this thing actually on? Yeah, safe) [Turntable Scratch] [Heavy Old School Boom Bap Beat starts] [Verse 1] Rolled up to Oslo in a rented Ford Fiesta Tracksuit fresh, smelling like a right majestic bastard Got the golden invite letter in my right hand, mate For achieving world peace at a bloody bargain rate I sorted out a scrap outside the local Greggs Between two pissed up wankers fighting over sausage rolls and dregs Next thing I know, they’re flying me to Scandinavia To reward my absolutely brilliant behaviour (He's a saint, innit!) [Chorus] I’m the king of world peace, wearing sovereign rings Got the medal, got the cash, hear the choir sing (Hallelujah!) But I opened up my mouth and it all went wrong Now they’re taking back the prize at the end of the song Yeah, they’re taking back the prize at the end of the song! [Verse 2] Stepped up to the podium, tapped the microphone Looking at the King of Norway sitting on his throne I said, "Alright mate, your missus looks a bit rough" (Oooh, bad move) "And your whole entire country doesn't drink enough!" Then I looked at the committee, bunch of wrinkly old sods Told them they could stick their climate goals against the odds Accidentally called the French ambassador a frog And said the German Chancellor resembles my old dog [Chorus] I’m the king of world peace, wearing sovereign rings Got the medal, got the cash, hear the choir sing (Hallelujah!) But I opened up my mouth and it all went wrong Now they’re taking back the prize at the end of the song Yeah, they’re taking back the prize at the end of the song! [Verse 3] I thought I was just doing a bit of banter, see? But the room went quiet, staring right at me So I panicked and I tried to make a dirty joke About the Pope and a nun sharing out a smoke (Oh dear God) Then I pointed at the Yanks, said their country is a bin And told the Swiss their chocolate tastes like absolute sin One Hundred and Fifty ambassadors stood up in a rage While security came running right across the stage [Bridge] [Scratch Solo] (Hold up, hold up! Stop the beat!) [Music stops abruptly] The head judge grabbed the mic and stamped his little feet He said, "You are a disgrace to the entire human race! Give us back the medal and get out of this place!" [Heavy Bass Drop] [Verse 4] So I chucked the medal at his bald shiny head (Have it, you mug!) Grabbed the buffet sandwiches and quickly fled Running down the high street with a pocket full of cheese Dodging rubber bullets from the local armed police I might not be a laureate, I might be a disgrace But I got a free holiday and laughed right in their face [Outro] Zero peace prizes, but I still got the snacks Rolling back to Britain on the railway tracks (Peace out, losers) (Keep your bloody medal) (I prefer a Greggs anyway) [Turntable Scratch] [Beat Fades Out]
