drowning

the phone rang at 3 AM again, how i knew? i wonder... didn't need to look, just heard the buzz, pulled myself from under my heavy blanket, my own skin, my own quiet dark you said you were fine, a whisper, then a wet, choked bark like you were drowning in somrthing tragic or a mouthful of dirt i heard the shake in your voice, the lie that made my stomach hurt you told me just a bad dream, but i heard the clink of glass against your teeth, a desperate prayer, hoping it would pass your hands shook when you reached for me, i felt the cold sweat on your palm but your eyes were already past me, searching for another calm another hit, another blade, another way to disappear i smelled the sickness on your clothes, the metallic tang of fear you swore you'd stop, i watched you swear, your pupils blown and wide a shallow promise in the air, nowhere left to hide i saw you choose the needle, saw you choose the slow decay and i just stood there, frozen solid, watching you drift away i watched you die, every single night, in that same stained escape your breath a ragged, shallow thing, a whisper in the air and i held my tongue, i bit it hard, until i tasted blood because every word I tried to speak, just got lost in the flood of your addiction, your dark tide, pulling you beneath and im still standing on the shore, just grinding down my teeth i watched you choose the darkness, choose the cold and empty space and i can't breathe, i can't move, im stuck in this damn place the house still smells like your cheap perfume, mixed with stale cigarette smoke i found your bent spoon in my jacket pocket, it felt like a sick joke i tried to throw it out, i swear, but my fingers just went numb like holding onto broken glass, waiting for the cuts to come you called me baby, last tuesday, your voice a slurred-out plea said don't forget me, then the line went dead, a selfish fucking plea i called you back a hundred times, just to speak with that damned machine and now I'm staring at the wall, completely, utterly alone guess tomorrow they'll find you dead inside your home i hate you for this, i hate myself, for every lie i told every time i covered for you, watched your story unfold into a tragedy i couldn't stop, a script i couldn't change and now the reaper screams your name, it's driving me insane this isn't love, this is a sickness, a poison in my veins watching you choose the grave, while i'm left with all this rain damn this place... this damn rotten place... stuck, the flesh is corrupted... god, what is this fucking place?