One Night a Year

Jordy The Ill

Christmas, Burgle Wave, Cozy 70s/80s Christmas nostalgia vibe

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[Verse 1]
FATTYFOOT (sung):
Snow on the houses,
Lanterns that glow,
Stockings by the hearthstone,
Fire burning low.

PIP (sung):
Kids all dreaming,
Warm in their beds,
Sugar-plum stories
Dance in little heads.

FATTYFOOT (sung):
Out on the rooftop,
Soft little creak,
Someone’s in the shadows,
Sneaking a peek.

PIP (sung):
One night a year
When the whole town knows
Someone’s coming quietly
In from the snow.

[Verse 2 – Early Reveal]
FATTYFOOT (sung):
Someone special is approaching,
Someone no one ever meets,
Someone who puts the jingle in the bells,
And slides in real discreet.

PIP (sung):
Sack over one shoulder,
Festive rope tied in a bow,
A wizard with a crowbar
Trudging through the snow.

[Chorus 1]
BOTH (sung, cheerful):
So leave your windows unlocked,
It’s that special time of year.
Cookies sat upon the table,
Little gifts of love and cheer.

We appreciate the sentiment,
We just quietly appear,
We sneak into your tenement
For this fat loot you left us here.

[Spoken over last line]
PIP:
Honestly, very thoughtful of you.

[Spoken Break – Their “Understanding” of the Holiday]

FATTYFOOT (spoken):
We still don’t know what you call this festival.
We just know: late winter, every year,
you all leave snacks and presents out
for whoever’s agile enough to get them.

[Pause]

PIP:
We assumed it was “Annual Thank-You For Your Service Night
For Dedicated Breakers-Into-Houses.”

FATTYFOOT:
I did start to wonder, once.

[Pause]

PIP:
Ah, the toy train incident.

FATTYFOOT:
There was this perfect little clockwork train.
Note on it said “For Milo.”
Milo woke up crying.
I thought, “Maybe… maybe this wasn’t for us.”

PIP:
But then we met him.

[Pause]

[Verse 3 – The Dwarven “Santa”]
PIP (sung):
Red coat, big beard,
Boots on the floor,
Smoke on his shoulders,
Sacks by the door.

FATTYFOOT (sung):
Round little stranger,
Spectacles bright,
Caught us with the cookies
On a frosty night.

PIP (sung):
He growled, “Those treats are mine, Pip!”
In a voice like sliding stone,

FATTYFOOT (sung):
We said, “If they’re left unattended,
They’re up for grabs alone.”

PIP (sung):
We brawled between the stockings,
Tin star on the tree,

BOTH (sung):
And that’s how we found out
There are other folks like we.

[Final Chorus]
BOTH (sung, big):
Someone’s creeping ‘round your window,
With a sack and steady cheer.
Could be us in red and green,
Could be that dwarf next year.

You leave cookies on the table,
You leave presents by the fire,
And we take it as a thank-you
For our legendary satire.

BOTH (sung, last tag):
We don’t know what you all call it,
But we’ll keep showing up right here—
For that strange late-winter evening,
Just one night a year.

[Spoken Outro – sleigh bells fading]
PIP:
Remember:
Lock your doors three hundred sixty-four nights a year.

FATTYFOOT:
And on the other one…

BOTH:
Cookies.

3095/7500

[Spoken Intro – over sleigh bells] FATTYFOOT: Okay, Pip, tell ‘em about that special night in late winter. PIP: You know, the one where everyone leaves their windows loose and a stranger sneaks inside with gifts and cookies. FATTYFOOT: Total mystery. Happens every year. [Verse 1] FATTYFOOT (sung): Snow on the houses, Lanterns that glow, Stockings by the hearthstone, Fire burning low. PIP (sung): Kids all dreaming, Warm in their beds, Sugar-plum stories Dance in little heads. FATTYFOOT (sung): Out on the rooftop, Soft little creak, Someone’s in the shadows, Sneaking a peek. PIP (sung): One night a year When the whole town knows Someone’s coming quietly In from the snow. [Verse 2 – Early Reveal] FATTYFOOT (sung): Someone special is approaching, Someone no one ever meets, Someone who puts the jingle in the bells, And slides in real discreet. PIP (sung): Sack over one shoulder, Festive rope tied in a bow, A wizard with a crowbar Trudging through the snow. [Chorus 1] BOTH (sung, cheerful): So leave your windows unlocked, It’s that special time of year. Cookies sat upon the table, Little gifts of love and cheer. We appreciate the sentiment, We just quietly appear, We sneak into your tenement For this fat loot you left us here. [Spoken over last line] PIP: Honestly, very thoughtful of you. [Spoken Break – Their “Understanding” of the Holiday] FATTYFOOT (spoken): We still don’t know what you call this festival. We just know: late winter, every year, you all leave snacks and presents out for whoever’s agile enough to get them. [Pause] PIP: We assumed it was “Annual Thank-You For Your Service Night For Dedicated Breakers-Into-Houses.” FATTYFOOT: I did start to wonder, once. [Pause] PIP: Ah, the toy train incident. FATTYFOOT: There was this perfect little clockwork train. Note on it said “For Milo.” Milo woke up crying. I thought, “Maybe… maybe this wasn’t for us.” PIP: But then we met him. [Pause] [Verse 3 – The Dwarven “Santa”] PIP (sung): Red coat, big beard, Boots on the floor, Smoke on his shoulders, Sacks by the door. FATTYFOOT (sung): Round little stranger, Spectacles bright, Caught us with the cookies On a frosty night. PIP (sung): He growled, “Those treats are mine, Pip!” In a voice like sliding stone, FATTYFOOT (sung): We said, “If they’re left unattended, They’re up for grabs alone.” PIP (sung): We brawled between the stockings, Tin star on the tree, BOTH (sung): And that’s how we found out There are other folks like we. [Final Chorus] BOTH (sung, big): Someone’s creeping ‘round your window, With a sack and steady cheer. Could be us in red and green, Could be that dwarf next year. You leave cookies on the table, You leave presents by the fire, And we take it as a thank-you For our legendary satire. BOTH (sung, last tag): We don’t know what you all call it, But we’ll keep showing up right here— For that strange late-winter evening, Just one night a year. [Spoken Outro – sleigh bells fading] PIP: Remember: Lock your doors three hundred sixty-four nights a year. FATTYFOOT: And on the other one… BOTH: Cookies.

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