[Intro: Old-school male MC, call-and-response with the drum machine] Saturday mornin', field number three Orange slices, folding chairs, and a whistle on me [Verse 1: Old-school male MC, eighties bravado, turntable scratches] Under-tens on field three, shoelaces flappin' in the wind Half the team is pickin' clover, one is cryin' for a friend But the sideline, oh, the sideline, that's a whole other scene Grown men in visors yellin' like the cup is on the screen "Ref, you're blind!" from a daddy with a coffee and a grudge Lady in a fleece says I'm bought and I'm a fudge Ma'am, they pay me twenty dollars and a juice box for the ride And I'd give it all back just to send you home outside [Hook: Old-school male MC, full response from the kids] Red card, you're a real card, now sit down That's a foul on the parent, take a lap around town Whistle in my mouth and the rule book in my hand Red card, you're a real card, go and wait out in the van [Verse 2: Old-school male MC, stomping, drum machine kicks] Coach Gary on the touchline kickin' water bottles flat Says the offside rule is rigged, I say they're nine, relax Grandpa wants a replay, buddy, there ain't no replay here There's a dog on the field and a juice box and a deer So I pull the card out slow and I hold it up to see First parent ever tossed from the under-ten league Then another, then another, I'm runnin' out of red Whole row of folding chairs walkin' to the lot instead [Hook: Old-school male MC, full response from the kids] Red card, you're a real card, now sit down That's a foul on the parent, take a lap around town Whistle in my mouth and the rule book in my hand Red card, you're a real card, go and wait out in the van [Bridge: Old-school male MC, scratch showcase, the turntables cut up "red card"] Wick-wick-wicka, red card, rewind Back it up, Gary, go and stand behind the line Wick-wick-wicka, coach, can you hear? That's the sound of your season gettin' out of here Wick-wick-wicka, ma'am, take a seat That's the sound of a minivan backin' down the street [Verse 3: Old-school male MC, proud, drum machine and scratches] Then little Maya, number nine, the smallest on the team Tugs my sleeve and says, "Sir, can I hold it? It's my dream" So I give her the whistle and she marches to the stands Where her daddy's yellin' "Hustle!" with a foam finger on his hand She blows it so loud that the geese leave the pond Holds the red card high, says, "Daddy, you are done" Whole field goes quiet, then the minivans cheer Best call of the season came from the youngest one here [Hook: Old-school male MC, full response from the kids] Red card, you're a real card, now sit down That's a foul on the parent, take a lap around town Whistle in my mouth and the rule book in my hand Red card, you're a real card, go and wait out in the van [End]
