"I’M TOO SEXY (FOR ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING) (1.26x)

[Intro – Spoken, breathy] I’m too sexy for this song... Too sexy for this intro… Honestly, I’m too sexy to even exist. But here we are. 😏 [Verse 1 – Strut begins, absurd delivery] I’m too sexy for my shirt— Which is wild ‘cause it’s mesh and made of dirt. Too sexy for my pants— They ran off screaming, wouldn’t give me a chance! I’m too sexy for Milan (they banned me) Too sexy for Japan (they fanned me) Too sexy for New York and Cleveland Okay maybe not Cleveland… they’re clingy. [Chorus – Big, ridiculous energy] I’m a model, you know what I mean I do my little turn while I’m eating baked beans Yeah, on the catwalk (slip!) On the catwalk (trip!) I do my little spin and then fall off the catwalk [Verse 2 – Goofier] I’m too sexy for my car— I rode in on a Roomba, I am the star Too sexy for my hat It’s got its own OnlyFans, imagine that Too sexy for my shoes They filed for emancipation Too sexy for mirrors They just show my foundation [Chorus – Even more absurd] I’m a model, or that’s what I claim I pose in gas stations and yell my own name Yeah, on the catwalk (whip!) On the catwalk (dip!) I twerk in a poncho on the catwalk [Bridge – Dramatic spoken word] Too sexy for brunch Too sexy for hugs Too sexy for taxes Too sexy for rugs Too sexy for logic Too sexy for pants Too sexy to dance (But I’m still gonna dance.) [Chorus – With gospel choir energy] I’m a model, baby, just look at me sneeze I catwalk in Crocs and eat cheese on my knees On the catwalk (moo!) On the catwalk (who?) I do interpretive mime on the catwalk [Verse 3 – Final punch] I’m too sexy for my cat She sued me and she won — imagine that! Too sexy for this rhyme Too sexy for time Too sexy to finish this li— [Outro – Spoken, fading like a diva ghost] I’m too sexy for this song I’m too sexy for your mom I’m too sexy for your Alexa (She just called me “Daddy.”) Mic drop. Exit stage left. Glitter cannon explodes.