The Epstein Clause

[Verse 1] They called it suicide, but I never hung Pulled me out that night, got a red suit and a bump Some clerk in the North Pole made a clerical mistake Now I'm trained for Santa's job, five years co-piloting the sleigh [Pre-Chorus] Got a giant book with every dirty deed Senators, billionaires, and Hollywood elite They’re sweatin’ in their mansions, checkin’ all their locks ’Cause this Christmas Eve, I drop the list on Fox [Chorus] Epstein Claus is on his way Ready for the fallout on Christmas Day The naughty folks are shakin’, prayin’ I don’t spill So they hired a marine, a Black Grinch paid to kill But, I've got Chinese elves armed with semi-automatics The truth is coming out, I've got no time for dramatics! [Verse 2] They sent the Black Grinch, he was six foot eight Silent as death and full of hate They said, “Kill Epstein before the sleigh takes flight, so he can't name the names on Christmas Eve night!” But I’m hidin’ in the clouds with my reindeer and a Glock The Elves are all in hiding around Epstein's work shop [Pre-Chorus] Black Grinch is creepin’, looking for the sleigh When my Elves open fire and blow him away He explodes into pieces, a red winter mist I'm the new king of the north, it's time to drop the list! [Chorus] Epstein Claus is on his way Ready for the fallout on Christmas Day They're burnin' their hard drives, shreddin' the tapes Doin' everything they can, but there's no escape! They better watch out, I know that they'll cry When they see Epstein Claus waving up in the sky