I remember how my hands shook Waiting for nothing Staring at the clock Like it owed me something I wasn’t chasing a feeling I was running from my own Trying to disappear Without leaving home I learned how to lie to mirrors How to sound okay How to make “I’m fine” Last another day Everyone thinks it’s about wanting That’s not what kept me there It was knowing if I broke enough It would still care I don’t miss the high, the high misses me I don’t miss the way it needed me I gave it everything I had in me I don’t miss the high, the high misses me I didn’t quit because I got strong I quit because I was gone I could feel myself fading But I kept dragging on I watched people I love Learn how to wait On a version of me That never showed up straight Some nights it still feels close Like a hand on my back Not pulling me under Just asking me back And that’s the part that scares me Not the fall It’s how easy It felt at all I don’t miss the high, the high misses me I don’t miss who I was pretending to be I didn’t beat it I didn’t flee I just stayed when it tried to take me The high misses me I didn’t survive it I outlived it
