[Verse 1] My husband Harold likes his routine plain He's vanilla, sweet but boring. He leaves for work, I'm left in pain All night, he just laid there snoring. But every morning at ten, my white knight appears I see that box truck, and suddenly, my vision clears A man in white, with his bottles clinking But it ain't about the milk I'm gonna be drinking. I see him walk on up to my porch, Our eyes meet, and suddenly... It's like he's passing the torch! [Pre-chorus] He usually leaves the bottles on the stoop right by the mat But I've got a different craving, and it doesn't involve chit-chat. I'm tired of being the vessel, boys, I wanna be the pourer! It's time to show this milkman a brand new kind of horror-- ...Or pleasure, depending on his threshold. [Chorus] Oh, Mr. Milkman, don't leave it at the front! I'm planning a maneuver, guess you could call it a stunt. I know you bring the calcium to strengthen up my bones, But I've got a little something different if you think you have the stones. I'm strictly Grade A, honey, I'm the cream of the crop, And today's the day the lonely housewife climbs on top! So put down your crate, and drop your inhibitions I'm switching up the shipping and handling conditions! I've got a heavy cream surprise, a strap-ping guarantee That I'm gonna give the milkman a Special Delivery! [Verse 2] Now, I know about the skimming, and I know about the fat, But I've got an apparatus for a different kind of tit-for-tat. You're used to squeezing udders, well, that's a lovely skill But I need me a man who's open to a different kind of drill! My hubby says I'm 'lactose intolerant', a lie! I just need to pasteurize... right past your thighs! I'm gonna churn your butter till it turns into a solid, Let's make my kitchen counter look absolutely squalid! [Chorus] Oh, Mr. Milkman, prepare for homogenization! I'm integrating fully with a brand new sensation. You brought the half-and-half, but I'm taking the whole I'm strictly taking charge of your production control! I don't want 2%, I want to go the full extent, I'm collecting on the bill that your company sent! So turn around, bend over, let me check your expiration I've got a real bad craving, a brand new fixation It's a heavy cream surprise, a strap-ping guarantee, When I give the milkman my Special Delivery! [Bridge] They say there's no use crying over spilled milk on the floor... But, honey, you'll be crying out for more, and more, and MORE! I'm gonna shake you up till the boys come to the yard, I hope you like your cheeses soft... 'Cause playtime's getting hard! I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS NOW! I AM THE ONE WITH THE CAP! [Big Finish] So open up the latch! Unhook the safety chain! I've got a rigid policy I don't need to explain! It's not a jug! It's not a carton! It's a revolution that I'm startin'! I'll see you on the flip side of your dairy air! I'm handling your backside with utmost care! Well... mostly. Here comes... the Special... DE-LIV-ER-YYYYYYYY! Now, moo for me.
