[INTRO — ALIEN POLICE RADIO] (Dark robotic voices, futuristic sirens, strange cosmic bubbling) ALIEN OFFICER: Freeze! You are surrounded! DJ CHAMPIGNON: Surrounded? Fantastic! I usually charge extra for VIP service! ALIEN OFFICER: You are naked! DJ CHAMPIGNON: Incorrect! I'm wearing the entire atmosphere! ALIEN CROWD: WHAT?! DJ CHAMPIGNON: Tralala… lalère… Anybody got a mushroom-sized dressing room? [VERSE 1 — THE WALK OF SHAME] Purple streets and a radioactive sky, Three hundred aliens asking me why. No pants, no shoes, no DJ gear, Just one funky mushroom standing here! Laser guns pointing, antennas shake, Somebody's mother just fainted in space. I raise my hands, I flash a grin, "Relax, my friends… the show begins!" [PRE-CHORUS — SECURITY BREACH] No weapon, no money, no dignity, But an unreasonable amount of personality! You want a confession? You want my name? I'm the only mushroom who can dance through shame! [CHORUS — NAKED, NOT DEFEATED] NAKED! NOT DEFEATED! Cosmic trouble, rhythm repeated! DON'T SHOOT! DON'T PANIC! My situation's organic! HEY! HEY! WHO STOLE MY TOWEL? I'm the king of this mushroom scandal! Hands in the air, let the bassline play, Nobody gets arrested on a funky day! Tralala lalère! Is there a bathroom anywhere?! [VERSE 2 — DIPLOMATIC DISASTER] The alien chief says, "Explain yourself!" I say, "First, please introduce yourself!" He has twelve eyes and a silver moustache, I say, "Nice haircut! Is it paid in cash?" His soldiers are confused, their weapons go down, One little alien starts shaking the ground. He's laughing so hard that his helmet falls, Now the whole damn army is dancing in the halls! [BREAKDOWN — INTERGALACTIC NEGOTIATION] (Beat disappears. One tiny alien flute.) ALIEN CHIEF: Why should we let you go? DJ CHAMPIGNON: Because I have absolutely nothing to hide. (Silence.) ALIEN CHIEF: That is technically true. DJ CHAMPIGNON: And because your city needs a better soundtrack. ALIEN CHIEF: You have ten seconds. DJ CHAMPIGNON: Ten seconds? Perfect. That's enough for a drop! [FINAL DROP — PEACE THROUGH BASS] BOOM! — Galactic bass activation! BOOM! — Diplomatic transformation! Left foot, right foot, tentacles swing, Even the emperor starts doing his thing! No more sirens, no more fear, Someone finally brings a cosmic souvenir! A golden cape and a disco crown, DJ Champignon turns the city upside down! NAKED! NOT DEFEATED! PEACE AND BASS HAVE BEEN REPEATED! NO WAR! NO DRAMA! JUST A MUSHROOM IN HIS PAJAMA! (Beat stops.) ALIEN OFFICER: Sir… you are still under arrest. DJ CHAMPIGNON: For what? ALIEN OFFICER: Disturbing the peace. DJ CHAMPIGNON: Impossible. I just invented it! (One final bass hit.) DJ CHAMPIGNON: Tralala lalère! OUTRO — ROBOTIC WHISPER: Please… somebody… give this mushroom some pants.
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