THE REMIX HAS ARRIVED Final Comedy Skit — The Remix Collective [SFX: Birds chirping. Front door opens.] [POLITICIAN — smug] Ahhh. Another beautiful day in public service. [SFX: Coffee cup shatters.] [POLITICIAN] HOLY SHIT! Where did all these people come from?! [CROWD] WE REMIXED! [POLITICIAN] Why are you all wearing headphones?! [PERSON 1] We’ve been listening to each other. [POLITICIAN] Well, stop it! That’s how rumors start! [PERSON 2] No, that’s how we found out we’re all going through the same shit. [POLITICIAN] How?! [PERSON 3] Through music. Everybody’s making songs now. [POLITICIAN] Oh, wonderful. Everybody thinks they’re a rapper. [PERSON 1] No. Everybody finally has a voice. [POLITICIAN] Well, who’s in charge of this little operation? [PERSON 2] Nobody. [POLITICIAN] Nobody?! Then who do I bribe?! [Awkward silence.] [POLITICIAN] I mean… invite to lunch. [PERSON 3] We’ve been comparing your promises with your voting record. [POLITICIAN] How’d you get hold of that?! [PERSON 1] It’s public information. [POLITICIAN] SINCE WHEN?! [PERSON 2] Your day’s about to change, Senator. [POLITICIAN] Is that a threat?! [PERSON 2] No. It’s a performance review. [POLITICIAN] Oh, come on. You people can’t possibly agree on everything! [PERSON 3] We don’t. [PERSON 1] But now we understand each other. [PERSON 2] We heard each other’s stories. [PERSON 3] Turns out none of us was alone. [POLITICIAN] Well, I thought you people were politically dead! [PERSON 1] Dead? We’re alive! [PERSON 2] We’re thriving! [PERSON 3] We’re making music! [POLITICIAN] But you don’t even know how to play instruments! [PERSON 1] And you don’t know how to run a government. [PERSON 2] Yet here we are. [SFX: Crowd erupts in laughter.] [POLITICIAN] I want to speak to whoever started this! [PERSON 3] He’s at home making another album. [POLITICIAN] ABOUT WHAT?! [PERSON 1] You. [SFX: Record scratch. Huge bass drop.] [POLITICIAN — quietly] …Can I hear it first? [PERSON 2] Sure. You’re the opening track. [END — door slams]
