[Verse 1] Down in the mountain where the gold shines bright, The Five Armies gathered for a redneck fight. Dwarves brought their hammers, Elves brought bows, Men rode in with shotguns and busted-up hoes. Up in the sky, the eagles took flight, While Thorin hollered, “This is my birthright!” And out from the woods came the orcs in droves, With Wargs draggin’ trailers full of rusty stoves. [Chorus] It’s a redneck rumble at Erebor Hill, Fightin’ for the gold, and the glory, and the thrill. With pitchforks, plows, and a jug of moonshine, Everybody’s yellin’, “That treasure’s mine!” [Verse 2] The dwarves came first, swingin’ wrenches and spades, Thorin led the charge on an old dirt-grade. Bilbo’s got a slingshot, flingin’ rocks like rain, And Dáin showed up ridin’ a hog with a chain. The Elves came next, in their shiny green trucks, Twangin’ their banjos and yellin’, “Y’all suck!” Legolas drew his bow, shot three at a time, While Tauriel swung a frying pan, shoutin’, “This gold’s mine!” [Chorus] It’s a redneck rumble at Erebor Hill, Fightin’ for the gold, and the glory, and the thrill. With pitchforks, plows, and a jug of moonshine, Everybody’s yellin’, “That treasure’s mine!” [Bridge] Then Bard showed up with his crossbow drawn, Ridin’ a tractor, mowin’ Uruks like lawn. The orcs had a catapult, made of scrap wood, But the dwarves shot it down with their own firewood. Azog the Defiler rolled up in a tank, Said, “Y’all gonna lose, ‘cause your weapons are rank!” But Thorin had dynamite, stuck it in the barrel, And with one big BOOM, made Azog feral. [Verse 3] The eagles dove in, squawkin’ like banshees, Droppin’ anvils and rocks on the enemy’s knees. Beorn came roarin’, a bear on a tear, Flippin’ orcs left and right like lawn chairs in the air. Then Thorin faced Azog with a wrench in hand, On the ice they fought, for their mountain land. When Azog slipped, Thorin took his stand, And hollered, “This is for every redneck clan!” [Chorus] It’s a redneck rumble at Erebor Hill, Fightin’ for the gold, and the glory, and the thrill. With pitchforks, plows, and a jug of moonshine, Everybody’s yellin’, “That treasure’s mine!” [Outro] When the dust settled, and the fight was done, The redneck armies stood as one. They split the gold, drank cider, and sang, In the mountain halls where their victory rang. If you ever hear ‘bout Erebor’s fame, Just know rednecks made it a household name. With their hammers and hogs, they saved the day, At Redneck Erebor, where legends stay.
