Employee of the Month (UFD001 / UFD002)

[Sound: light warehouse ambience, low chatter, distant hum] [PA System Ding] [Announcement Voice] [neutral, cheerful, Spoken] Attention all staff— This month’s Employee of the Month goes to… [Intro] UFD001 and UFD002 [Verse 1] No incidents on the record sheet No damaged goods, no missing receipt Every pallet stacked just right Counted clean at end of night Inventory matched to the line Every number checked out fine No one saw them clocking in Still they somehow always win [Chorus 1] Employee of the month again UFD001, UFD002 No one knows just how they do But the numbers say it’s true [Verse 2] Inbound loads off faster now No delays, don’t ask me how Outgoing prepped ahead of time Every shipment right on line No complaints from morning crew Everything just… follows through Quiet work, no overtime Still ahead on every line [Chorus 2] Employee of the month again UFD001, UFD002 Top of every metric sheet Speed and accuracy [Bridge] [Sound: soft metal tap, faint purring rhythm under beat] No breaks logged, no badge scans found No footsteps, no voices around Still the charts keep climbing high No one asking how or why [Verse 3] Supervisor signed it off Said the numbers speak enough If it works, then let it run No need asking how it’s done [Final Chorus] Employee of the month again UFD001, UFD002 Perfect scores across the board …still nobody knows who [Outro: Spoken Dialogue] [Worker] [male, confused, Spoken] Hey… you see the board? [Second Worker] Yeah. [Worker] That… that’s a cat. [Second Worker] Yeah. [Worker] Like—an actual cat. [Second Worker] Probably someone’s profile picture. [Worker] …For both of them? [Second Worker] … [Pause] [Worker] They got different hats. [Second Worker] Yeah. [Sound: distant forklift gliding smoothly] [Worker] …Alright. [End]