[Intro] [Radio static hiss, vintage 1940s vinyl crackle] [Deep sub-bass pulse rolling in] [Spoken over a smooth, gritty East Coast boom-bap beat] Yeah... Step right up. Rub the lamp, ring the bell. Welcome to the Phantomverse, kid. Let’s see what your soul is worth. [Beat drops heavy] [Hook] Call me Mr. Cool / Too cool! How you doin', boo? Step out of line, I say screw you! Call me Mr. Cool / Mr. Cool How you doin', boo? Call me Mr. Cool / Ooh-ooh! [Verse 1] [Gritty electric guitar riff, slow head-nod tempo] Hey you, come over here, don't look so shy I'll grant three wishes, watch the magic fly Just gotta do a little favor for me first in the trenches [Record scratch / Record mixer] In the trenches, drag you deep down to the Phantomverse It's my world, where everything stays still Nothing moves, feel like it kills... [What's that, a genie?! — Frightened male voice, echoing] That's right! I'm a fucking genie! A genie that don't wear a fucking beanie I'm way too cool for that shit, what you think we live in 1200 B.C.? Petty human, please! Here’s the ground rules: Rule one: You can't ask me to kill nobody, or bring anyone back to life. Rule two: You can't ask me to take you into the future. And last but not least, the third one, the most important of all: I ain't never gonna call you master. Kapish?! So what it is? What's it gonna be? What's your first wish?! [The frightened man speaks, trembling] "I... I wish for a long, healthy life." Be careful what you ask for, kid... that comes with a price! Your wish is my command. Now close your eyes, feel the vibration energy wave around you While I make this shit happen! [Distorted sound effect: [What's happening?!]] [Hook] Call me Mr. Cool / Too cool! How you doin', boo? Step out of line, I say screw you! Call me Mr. Cool / Mr. Cool How you doin', boo? Call me Mr. Cool / Ooh-ooh! [Verse 2] [Beat shifts with eerie guitar melodies and dramatic vinyl cuts] He wakes up walking, feeling healthy, looking younger, running, jumping around for joy Haha, poor soul... if only you knew! He gets home, and he finds his whole entire family dead His wife, his brothers, his kids—all gone in a flash! [What's this, Genie?! — Frightened man crying out] "My family is all dead! But why?!" What'd you think? Your wishes don't have consequences? You asked for a long, healthy life—how else you expected me to generate that energy? With no remorse, kid! "Oh no, Genie, no! I take my wish back, I want to make my second wish! I wish for my family to come back alive!" You dumb fool, don't you remember Rule Number One? You're gonna have to face it. Are you ready for your wish number two? "I could grant you a better life..." "I don't want that! I want my family back!" There is a solution... [What is it?! I would do anything!] You could wish to go back in time where they are all still alive! Yes, Genie! Let's do that! Say the magic words! "I wish to go back in time where my family is still alive." Hahaha! Be careful what you ask for, player... However, your wish is my command. Now close your eyes... and call me Mr. Cool! [Hook] Call me Mr. Cool / Too cool! How you doin', boo? Step out of line, I say screw you! Call me Mr. Cool / Mr. Cool How you doin', boo? Call me Mr. Cool / Ooh-ooh! [Verse 3] [Darker, suspenseful beat, sharp scratching, gritty guitar riffs] "Genie, you screwed me! You brought me too back—way too far back!" Your wish was my command, you just didn't specify the exact date and time, haha! You said you wanted your family alive, and they are... But you didn't say *which* family! So now you can sit around and watch your wife grow up as a stranger, and your older brother grow up without you knowing who you are! Nobody's ever gonna know. I said it once, I'll say it again: your actions have consequences. Ready for your third wish? [Yes, Genie... I'm ready.] Okay, let me have it. "I wish for everything to go back to normal!" No can do, silly fool. You must be a real stupid human. What did I tell you about Rule Number Two? Your second wish was to travel back in time. I'm not able to take you forward into the future! But hey... you got a long, healthy life. So live it! [You ain't no Genie... you're the devil! I've been deceived! I don't want the third wish if it has consequences!] Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm stuck here with you, too. To make a long story short: he lived up to 352 years—sucking the life force out of the timeline that his family sacrificed for his health. And he never got to see his real family ever again. Hahaha! [Outro] [Vintage radio tuning sound, dial static] [Music slowly fades out with a haunting guitar chord and vinyl crackle] Mr. Cool... out. [Click]
