[Verse 1] Captain Muck had a spotless boots Shined like a coin in a bairn’s wee hand He’d wave and grin at the market stall While the dumplings vanished from the can Every night at the club by the quay He’d drink tae cheer and salute the wall Said, “Trust in me, I’m the law, my lads” Then nicked the jam from the justice hall [Pre-Chorus] But the door kept creakin’, aye And the ledger kept growin’ fat A dozen hearts and a sack o’ lies He wore like a borrowed hat [Chorus] Och, Captain Muck, ye were slick as a herring (Captain Muck!) Och, Captain Muck, with a grin worth swearing (Captain Muck!) Now the kirk bells ring and the widows laugh They found yer tricks in the old man’s stash Och, Captain Muck, yer clean name’s gone And the whole wee town sings on and on [Verse 2] On the day they laid him low in the ground The sergeant coughed and the judge looked pale They opened the desk with a crowbar’s kiss And out fell letters, keys, and bail There were bracelets, pork pies, and bribes in jars A watch from the docks and a purse of gold A list of “lost” goods from ten old raids And a sock full o’ sins he’d sold [Pre-Chorus] Aye, the cat had jimmied the tin While the canaries learned to crow Each secret tucked in a uniform hem Like seeds in a row o’ snow [Chorus] Och, Captain Muck, ye were slick as a herring (Captain Muck!) Och, Captain Muck, with a grin worth swearing (Captain Muck!) Now the kirk bells ring and the widows laugh They found yer tricks in the old man’s stash Och, Captain Muck, yer clean name’s gone And the whole wee town sings on and on [Bridge] The baker got back his missing wheel The lass got back her ring The ferryman found his silver knife And the tavern heard everybody sing (Everybody sing) The mayor went red as a boiled wee beet The usher nearly fainted flat And old Mrs. Bain said, “Well, I knew it, son” Then poured herself another dram [Final Chorus] Och, Captain Muck, ye were slick as a herring (Captain Muck!) Och, Captain Muck, with a grin worth swearing (Captain Muck!) Now the kirk bells ring and the widows laugh They found yer tricks in the old man’s stash Och, Captain Muck, yer clean name’s gone And the whole wee town sings on and on [Outro] Sing it loud, my bonny crowd The dead can’t hide what the living found Och, Captain Muck, rest in muck But the tale walks on through every town
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