Verse 1 SUM all my nights, COUNT all my days AVERAGE my hope in a thousand ways MIN for the lows, MAX for the highs AGGREGATE my tears, no one denies Pre-Chorus LOOKUP my future, INDEX my fate MATCH all the pieces before it’s too late Chorus It’s IF, IFS, SWITCH, CHOOSE, XLOOKUP my way through the blues OFFSET my pain, INDIRECT my pride Every REF! keeps me stuck inside NOW, TODAY, YEAR, MONTH too, EOMONTH says the bills are due RANDARRAY dreams I can’t control Excel’s got me in a function overload! Verse 2 LEFT me broken, RIGHT out of line MID my feelings, LEN of the time SEARCH for the truth, FIND where it hides TEXTJOIN the pieces, CONCAT my life Pre-Chorus SUBSTITUTE sorrow, REPLACE the past VALUE my moments, they never last Chorus It’s TRIM, CLEAN, PROPER words, SORT, SORTBY, FILTERed hurts SEQUENCE rows that never end UNIQUE mistakes I can’t defend MAP my choices, REDUCE my pain BYROW, BYCOL, it’s all the same MMULT numbers take their toll Excel’s got me in a function overload! Verse 3 ISERROR my hopes, ISNA my chance ISBLANK my future at first glance ISTEXT my words, ISNUMBER my fear ISFORMULA thoughts that won’t disappear Bridge ROUNDUP my courage, ROUNDDOWN my pride CEILING of hope with FLOOR to hide POWER my will, EXP it out fast LOG of my life shows nothing will last Verse 4 PMT on worries, IRR my mind NPV of dreams I’ll never find FV tomorrow, PV today CUMIPMT says there’s no escape Pre-Chorus WORKDAY’s endless, NETWORKDAYS gone WEEKNUM reminds me I’m still holding on Final Chorus It’s IF, IFS, SWITCH, CHOOSE, XLOOKUP my way through the blues OFFSET my pain, INDIRECT my pride Every REF! keeps me stuck inside HSTACK, VSTACK piling high WRAPROWS, WRAPCOLS pass me by Every formula writes my soul Excel’s got me in a function overload! Outro In this workbook, my story ends, But in Excel… it never ends.
