[Intro - Spoken/shouted over crunchy riff] Hey, Miss Neilson, what time is it? Clock’s right there, sweetie… I can’t see it! Foo, I lost my glasses again— half past monkey’s ass! [Verse 1] Sitting in the back row, same old show, Sonia’s laughing Slimer’s got that Nitro can tucked away inside his pack Showing off to all the boys, with a big grin on his face I said, “Let me see that shit.” — he offered me a taste I told him, “You go first, show me how it’s done” (Just bluffing hard, I ain’t touching that damn stuff) [Verse 2] He buries his whole head inside that backpack like a fool You hear that can go shhhhhhh — he sucked a monster pull Comes up cross-eyed, world spinning like a top Miss Neilson spots the movement, starts walking down our row I whisper, “Oh shit, fool, here she comes right now!” [Pre-Chorus] He grabs his desk, desk starts tipping, gravity wins the fight Crashes to the floor, head slams hard into the wall Bent neck, out cold — lights out in the courtside bungalow [Chorus - Big, rowdy gang vocals] Miss Neilson, may I be excused? Can I go five minutes early? This class is getting loose! Miss Neilson, better check that bag ’Cause Slimer’s doing drugs, Miss Neilson! No, stop it — he’s not doing drugs! Five minutes! Five minutes! Let me out the door! Before the next disaster walks in off the floor! [Verse 3] Whole damn class jumps up, circling the scene Miss Neilson yelling, “Move!” trying to see what’s happening Just as she gets there, Slimer snaps back wired and wild “Get the fuck out my way!” — slams the classroom door open wide Bolts like a rocket, leaves us all standing shocked [Bridge - Half-time, heavier guitars] I shouted, “Miss Neilson, he’s doing drugs! Check the backpack now!” She looked at me like I was crazy, “No he’s not, stop it, sit down!” Five minutes later he waltzes back in smooth as hell “Ah, Miss Neilson… I got epilepsy… forgot to take my pills…” “Oh babe, are you alright now?” “I’ll be fine…” [Guitar Solo - Chaotic, dizzying bends and whammy bar] [Final Chorus - Louder, faster] Miss Neilson, may I be excused?! Can I go five minutes early before mom gets home? Miss Neilson, we love you — thanks for your patience! Five minutes! Five minutes! Ring that bell! ’Cause tomorrow Slimer’s bringing something new as well! [Outro - Shouted, fading with feedback] Half past monkey’s ass… Slimer’s gone, backpack full of gas… See you tomorrow, Miss Neilson… If we make it that long! Yeah! Why, honey? Ahh, Miss Neilson, I have to get home before my mom does because I left the sprinklers on all day and the house is going to be flooded! Oh, dear, yes — go hurry! Thanks, Miss Neilson was my favorite teacher in high school
