03-03 The Tailor of Yatton (Seven Demons, One Guy)

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He’s walking down the street 
in the village of Yatton 
Suddenly he drops
like a sack of cotton. 
He’s twitching, he’s shaking,
 he’s causing a scene 
He’s the weirdest tailor 
a knack for the obscene. 
Is it a seizure? 
Is it a fit? 
No, he says, 
"I’m possessed, 
and this is it!" 
He starts to bark like a dog 
(Woof!) 
He starts to hiss like a snake 
(Sss!) 
He sings the hymns backwards, 
for goodness sake! 
He’s a one-man band of hellish noise
Disturbing the peace of the Yatton boys.

I've got seven demons! 
Count 'em, seven! 
I've been banned from church
And I'm banned from heaven! 
I need seven clergymen
To get them out! 
That's the rider,
Or I'll pout! 
One for every sin, 
One for every day! 
Get the Anglicans in here, 
We're gonna play! 
(Seven! Seven! Seven!)

(Check the medical records. Check the notes.) 
The doctors examined him. 
The surgeons poked him. 
They said, "George, you’re an imposter. 
You’re a fake." 
But George just barked 
and did a little shake. 
He claimed he was bewitched 
by an old woman’s slap. 
(What a classic scapegoat trap). 
But here’s the thing about George... 
He demanded a show. 
He didn't want a private prayer. 
He wanted the Temple Church. 
He wanted an audience. 
He wanted the 18th-century version
 of a viral livestream.

Why would a poor tailor pretend to be possessed? 
Think about it. 
You’re poor. You’re hungry. 
You sew pants for people who ignore you. 
You are invisible. 
But... If you have Beelzebub inside you? 
Suddenly, you’re the most interesting guy in Bristol. 
Suddenly, the Bishop knows your name.
Suddenly, people are giving you free soup because they’re afraid you’ll vomit green slime on them. 
It’s not mental illness... 
It’s marketing. 
It’s the gig economy of the soul.

We're going to the temple church! 
It's Easter week! 
Bring the Vicars! 
Bring the freaks! 
They prayed for hours! 
They prayed for days! 
While George was going
Through a manic phase! 
"I am the Devil!"
(No you're not!)
"I am Legion!"
(Eh, give it a shot!)
And then...
Suddenly...

He stood up. 
He brushed off his coat. 
He said, "Thanks, lads. I feel much better now." 
He praised the Lord. 
He recited the Lord's Prayer
(forwards this time). 
And he walked away. 
Back to Yatton.
 To live a quiet life as a tailor. 
With a hell of a story to tell at the pub. 
George Lukins. 
The Yatton Demoniac. 
Or just... a guy who really needed a vacation.

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Bristol. 1788. The Age of Enlightenment. Reason. Science. Logic. And then there’s George. George Lukins. A humble tailor. A pauper. A man who sews buttons for a living. But George... George is feeling a little bit "crowded" lately. (If you know what I mean). He’s walking down the street in the village of Yatton Suddenly he drops like a sack of cotton. He’s twitching, he’s shaking, he’s causing a scene He’s the weirdest tailor a knack for the obscene. Is it a seizure? Is it a fit? No, he says, "I’m possessed, and this is it!" He starts to bark like a dog (Woof!) He starts to hiss like a snake (Sss!) He sings the hymns backwards, for goodness sake! He’s a one-man band of hellish noise Disturbing the peace of the Yatton boys. I've got seven demons! Count 'em, seven! I've been banned from church And I'm banned from heaven! I need seven clergymen To get them out! That's the rider, Or I'll pout! One for every sin, One for every day! Get the Anglicans in here, We're gonna play! (Seven! Seven! Seven!) (Check the medical records. Check the notes.) The doctors examined him. The surgeons poked him. They said, "George, you’re an imposter. You’re a fake." But George just barked and did a little shake. He claimed he was bewitched by an old woman’s slap. (What a classic scapegoat trap). But here’s the thing about George... He demanded a show. He didn't want a private prayer. He wanted the Temple Church. He wanted an audience. He wanted the 18th-century version of a viral livestream. Why would a poor tailor pretend to be possessed? Think about it. You’re poor. You’re hungry. You sew pants for people who ignore you. You are invisible. But... If you have Beelzebub inside you? Suddenly, you’re the most interesting guy in Bristol. Suddenly, the Bishop knows your name. Suddenly, people are giving you free soup because they’re afraid you’ll vomit green slime on them. It’s not mental illness... It’s marketing. It’s the gig economy of the soul. We're going to the temple church! It's Easter week! Bring the Vicars! Bring the freaks! They prayed for hours! They prayed for days! While George was going Through a manic phase! "I am the Devil!" (No you're not!) "I am Legion!" (Eh, give it a shot!) And then... Suddenly... He stood up. He brushed off his coat. He said, "Thanks, lads. I feel much better now." He praised the Lord. He recited the Lord's Prayer (forwards this time). And he walked away. Back to Yatton. To live a quiet life as a tailor. With a hell of a story to tell at the pub. George Lukins. The Yatton Demoniac. Or just... a guy who really needed a vacation.

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