🌫️霧の枯葉 🍂| [12/04/1967-26/11/2023]

kayōkyoku, shakuhachi choshi, sho, melancholic, atmospheric, japanese, traditionnal, 80BPM, B-flat major, soft, ambiant, biwa, fūkin, suzu, solo, grief, sorrow, ethereal, spiritual, discreet taiko

🌫️霧の枯葉 🍂
_______________________________

| by @princessakikoheartfield | 
                 Original lyrics without AI
_______________________________

Hello my dear SUNO friends. I hope you are well. For me, it's a day that's a little sombre and at the same time joyous. It's my mother's birthday, and without her, of course, I wouldn't be here to talk to you and share my grief with you (I don't think I'll have the strength to reply to your comments today, by the way, as I'm going to pay my respects at my mother's grave).

I really had a hard time writing this song to tell you a little about my grief journey.

I didn't really have a “good relationship” with my mother for various reasons, including her illness, which we found out about far too late. She also had mental problems that she didn't want to deal with (denial). I won't go into that here.

I did what I could to accompany her on the road to recovery when she had reached a point of no return, because despite all the grievances between us and her illness, I could “somewhere” feel her affection for me, but I couldn't be there as often as I wanted.

When she passed away. The silence was the most blatant for me. No more calls, no more words. I reread those last messages with a lump in my stomach. Those last wishes, long before she found herself unable to think. She knew it, she felt it, or she just wanted peace of mind. I don't really know. Now I'm crying as I write these words... I hope she was able to find the peace she so desired.

Some of you may wonder why in Japanese? Why not in French? I'm going to answer simply because Japanese allows me to express my feelings better.

To be honest, ever since I was a child, she's never really understood my love for Japan. It's my spirit of contradiction that has spoken through this choice, it also shows that we've never really understood each other and that I regret it from the bottom of my heart.

I worked on the song so that each verse would reflect the different stages we all generally go through when someone close to us dies.

1) Shock and denial; 2) Anger (especially at myself); 3) Bargaining; 4) Great sadness; 5) Acceptance. Although for me, acceptance is not yet a given.

I think many people can relate to this feeling and journey of grief.

I wish everyone going through this to find the path to mourning and peace. It's a constant struggle, but the light can be found at some point. At least, i hope.

The cover photo is based on the last photo we were able to take of her smiling, and it's also the one we used for her funeral. She had dyed her hair blond/gray, but I wanted to give her back her natural color here (for confidentiality reasons, I turned her into a Ghibli character).

Enjoy your listening. And see you soon. My dearest friends. I love you all.

Lyrics translation in english at the end.
_______________________________

二年前、時が止まった
風の息で、すべてが止まった
時間は伸び、すべてが宙に浮いていた
広がる空虚、未知の静寂の中で

一瞬で世界が崩れ落ちた
暗闇の中、ただ立ち尽くしていた
言葉が出ない、ただ待つばかり
これは悪夢だと、目が覚めるのを待っていた

光は決して遠くない
たとえ夜がすべてを消し去っても
君は消えたけれど、遠くにはいない
毎日の息の中に、君の痕跡を探している

どうして気づかなかったのか、どうして知らなかったのか
怒りが心を焦がし、ひとりで抱え込んでいる
君を責め、そして自分を責めている
その重さに、ただ圧倒されている

もしもっと時間があれば、
最後の瞬間を、もう一度手に入れたら
もし僕が違う選択をしていたら
君はまだここにいて、笑っていただろう

光は決して遠くない
たとえ夜がすべてを消し去っても
君は消えたけれど、遠くにはいない
毎日の息の中に、君の痕跡を探している
たとえ夜がすべてを消し去っても
君は消えたけれど、遠くにはいない
毎日の息の中に、君の痕跡を探している

空虚が広がり、すべてが灰色になった
涙が流れ、何もかもが崩れ落ちる
悲しみに溺れ、すべてを失ったように
周りの世界が崩れ、進むべき道がわからない

影に話しかけ、答えを求めて
思い出が襲い、力が尽きていく
言葉が足りず、涙が押し寄せ
無に抗い、すべてに押しつぶされそう

いつか、僕は理解するだろうか
愛は続いていく、待たされても
光の方へ、少しずつ進んでいる
君の不在を胸に抱え、前に進む

こんなにも重い、どう向き合えばいいのか
問いかけが残る、でもそれは僕のせいじゃない
影が押し寄せる中、理解しようとしている
痛みはここにあるけれど、僕のせいじゃないと感じる

_______________________________

Two years ago, time stood still,
With a puff of wind, everything froze.
The hours stretched on, everything seemed suspended,
An immense void, in the silence of the unknown.

The world collapsed in an instant,
I stood there, frozen in the darkness.
Words wouldn't come out, I was just waiting,
I thought it was a nightmare, that I'd wake up eventually.

Light is never far away,
Even when the night erases everything.
You're gone, but you're not far,
I look for you in every breath, every sound.

Why didn't I see it? Why didn't I know?
Anger burns in me, I'm alone with this burden.
I blame you, and I blame myself,
I'm weighed down by this weight that crushes me.

The light is never far away,
Even when the night erases all.
You're gone, but you're not far,
I look for your traces in every breath, every sound.

If only I'd had more time,
If only I could relive this moment.
Maybe with another choice,
You'd still be here, smiling beside me.

Light is never far away,
Even when the night erases all.
You're gone, but you're not far,
I look for your traces in every breath, every sound.

The emptiness is there, everything has gone gray,
Tears flow, everything slips away beneath my feet.
I drown in sadness, everything escapes me,
The world around me is collapsing, I don't know where to go.

I talk to the shadows, searching for answers,
Memories overwhelm me, I'm powerless.
Words are too weak, tears too heavy,
I struggle against the emptiness, against everything that crushes me.

Maybe one day I'll understand,
That love goes on, even when we have to wait.
I take one step, then another, towards the light,
But your absence remains in me, heavy, infinite.

It's so heavy to bear, how can I face it?
The questions persist, but I know it's not my fault.
The shadows invade me, but I try to understand,
That the pain is there, but the fault is not mine, I hear it.

_______________________________

5609/7500

🌫️霧の枯葉 🍂 _______________________________ | by @princessakikoheartfield | Original lyrics without AI _______________________________ Hello my dear SUNO friends. I hope you are well. For me, it's a day that's a little sombre and at the same time joyous. It's my mother's birthday, and without her, of course, I wouldn't be here to talk to you and share my grief with you (I don't think I'll have the strength to reply to your comments today, by the way, as I'm going to pay my respects at my mother's grave). I really had a hard time writing this song to tell you a little about my grief journey. I didn't really have a “good relationship” with my mother for various reasons, including her illness, which we found out about far too late. She also had mental problems that she didn't want to deal with (denial). I won't go into that here. I did what I could to accompany her on the road to recovery when she had reached a point of no return, because despite all the grievances between us and her illness, I could “somewhere” feel her affection for me, but I couldn't be there as often as I wanted. When she passed away. The silence was the most blatant for me. No more calls, no more words. I reread those last messages with a lump in my stomach. Those last wishes, long before she found herself unable to think. She knew it, she felt it, or she just wanted peace of mind. I don't really know. Now I'm crying as I write these words... I hope she was able to find the peace she so desired. Some of you may wonder why in Japanese? Why not in French? I'm going to answer simply because Japanese allows me to express my feelings better. To be honest, ever since I was a child, she's never really understood my love for Japan. It's my spirit of contradiction that has spoken through this choice, it also shows that we've never really understood each other and that I regret it from the bottom of my heart. I worked on the song so that each verse would reflect the different stages we all generally go through when someone close to us dies. 1) Shock and denial; 2) Anger (especially at myself); 3) Bargaining; 4) Great sadness; 5) Acceptance. Although for me, acceptance is not yet a given. I think many people can relate to this feeling and journey of grief. I wish everyone going through this to find the path to mourning and peace. It's a constant struggle, but the light can be found at some point. At least, i hope. The cover photo is based on the last photo we were able to take of her smiling, and it's also the one we used for her funeral. She had dyed her hair blond/gray, but I wanted to give her back her natural color here (for confidentiality reasons, I turned her into a Ghibli character). Enjoy your listening. And see you soon. My dearest friends. I love you all. Lyrics translation in english at the end. _______________________________ 二年前、時が止まった風の息で、すべてが止まった時間は伸び、すべてが宙に浮いていた広がる空虚、未知の静寂の中で一瞬で世界が崩れ落ちた暗闇の中、ただ立ち尽くしていた言葉が出ない、ただ待つばかりこれは悪夢だと、目が覚めるのを待っていた光は決して遠くないたとえ夜がすべてを消し去っても君は消えたけれど、遠くにはいない毎日の息の中に、君の痕跡を探しているどうして気づかなかったのか、どうして知らなかったのか怒りが心を焦がし、ひとりで抱え込んでいる君を責め、そして自分を責めているその重さに、ただ圧倒されているもしもっと時間があれば、最後の瞬間を、もう一度手に入れたらもし僕が違う選択をしていたら君はまだここにいて、笑っていただろう光は決して遠くないたとえ夜がすべてを消し去っても君は消えたけれど、遠くにはいない毎日の息の中に、君の痕跡を探しているたとえ夜がすべてを消し去っても君は消えたけれど、遠くにはいない毎日の息の中に、君の痕跡を探している空虚が広がり、すべてが灰色になった涙が流れ、何もかもが崩れ落ちる悲しみに溺れ、すべてを失ったように周りの世界が崩れ、進むべき道がわからない影に話しかけ、答えを求めて思い出が襲い、力が尽きていく言葉が足りず、涙が押し寄せ無に抗い、すべてに押しつぶされそういつか、僕は理解するだろうか愛は続いていく、待たされても光の方へ、少しずつ進んでいる君の不在を胸に抱え、前に進むこんなにも重い、どう向き合えばいいのか問いかけが残る、でもそれは僕のせいじゃない影が押し寄せる中、理解しようとしている痛みはここにあるけれど、僕のせいじゃないと感じる _______________________________ Two years ago, time stood still, With a puff of wind, everything froze. The hours stretched on, everything seemed suspended, An immense void, in the silence of the unknown. The world collapsed in an instant, I stood there, frozen in the darkness. Words wouldn't come out, I was just waiting, I thought it was a nightmare, that I'd wake up eventually. Light is never far away, Even when the night erases everything. You're gone, but you're not far, I look for you in every breath, every sound. Why didn't I see it? Why didn't I know? Anger burns in me, I'm alone with this burden. I blame you, and I blame myself, I'm weighed down by this weight that crushes me. The light is never far away, Even when the night erases all. You're gone, but you're not far, I look for your traces in every breath, every sound. If only I'd had more time, If only I could relive this moment. Maybe with another choice, You'd still be here, smiling beside me. Light is never far away, Even when the night erases all. You're gone, but you're not far, I look for your traces in every breath, every sound. The emptiness is there, everything has gone gray, Tears flow, everything slips away beneath my feet. I drown in sadness, everything escapes me, The world around me is collapsing, I don't know where to go. I talk to the shadows, searching for answers, Memories overwhelm me, I'm powerless. Words are too weak, tears too heavy, I struggle against the emptiness, against everything that crushes me. Maybe one day I'll understand, That love goes on, even when we have to wait. I take one step, then another, towards the light, But your absence remains in me, heavy, infinite. It's so heavy to bear, how can I face it? The questions persist, but I know it's not my fault. The shadows invade me, but I try to understand, That the pain is there, but the fault is not mine, I hear it. _______________________________

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