๐ซ๏ธ้งใฎๆฏ่ ๐| [12/04/1967-26/11/2023]
๐ซ๏ธ้งใฎๆฏ่ ๐ _______________________________ | by @princessakikoheartfield | Original lyrics without AI _______________________________ Hello my dear SUNO friends. I hope you are well. For me, it's a day that's a little sombre and at the same time joyous. It's my mother's birthday, and without her, of course, I wouldn't be here to talk to you and share my grief with you (I don't think I'll have the strength to reply to your comments today, by the way, as I'm going to pay my respects at my mother's grave). I really had a hard time writing this song to tell you a little about my grief journey. I didn't really have a โgood relationshipโ with my mother for various reasons, including her illness, which we found out about far too late. She also had mental problems that she didn't want to deal with (denial). I won't go into that here. I did what I could to accompany her on the road to recovery when she had reached a point of no return, because despite all the grievances between us and her illness, I could โsomewhereโ feel her affection for me, but I couldn't be there as often as I wanted. When she passed away. The silence was the most blatant for me. No more calls, no more words. I reread those last messages with a lump in my stomach. Those last wishes, long before she found herself unable to think. She knew it, she felt it, or she just wanted peace of mind. I don't really know. Now I'm crying as I write these words... I hope she was able to find the peace she so desired. Some of you may wonder why in Japanese? Why not in French? I'm going to answer simply because Japanese allows me to express my feelings better. To be honest, ever since I was a child, she's never really understood my love for Japan. It's my spirit of contradiction that has spoken through this choice, it also shows that we've never really understood each other and that I regret it from the bottom of my heart. I worked on the song so that each verse would reflect the different stages we all generally go through when someone close to us dies. 1) Shock and denial; 2) Anger (especially at myself); 3) Bargaining; 4) Great sadness; 5) Acceptance. Although for me, acceptance is not yet a given. I think many people can relate to this feeling and journey of grief. I wish everyone going through this to find the path to mourning and peace. It's a constant struggle, but the light can be found at some point. At least, i hope. The cover photo is based on the last photo we were able to take of her smiling, and it's also the one we used for her funeral. She had dyed her hair blond/gray, but I wanted to give her back her natural color here (for confidentiality reasons, I turned her into a Ghibli character). Enjoy your listening. And see you soon. My dearest friends. I love you all. Lyrics translation in english at the end. _______________________________ ไบๅนดๅใๆใๆญขใพใฃใ ้ขจใฎๆฏใงใใในใฆใๆญขใพใฃใ ๆ้ใฏไผธใณใใในใฆใๅฎใซๆตฎใใฆใใ ๅบใใ็ฉบ่ใๆช็ฅใฎ้ๅฏใฎไธญใง ไธ็ฌใงไธ็ใๅดฉใ่ฝใกใ ๆ้ใฎไธญใใใ ็ซใกๅฐฝใใใฆใใ ่จ่ใๅบใชใใใใ ๅพ ใคใฐใใ ใใใฏๆชๅคขใ ใจใ็ฎใ่ฆใใใฎใๅพ ใฃใฆใใ ๅ ใฏๆฑบใใฆ้ ใใชใ ใใจใๅคใใในใฆใๆถใๅปใฃใฆใ ๅใฏๆถใใใใใฉใ้ ใใซใฏใใชใ ๆฏๆฅใฎๆฏใฎไธญใซใๅใฎ็่ทกใๆขใใฆใใ ใฉใใใฆๆฐใฅใใชใใฃใใฎใใใฉใใใฆ็ฅใใชใใฃใใฎใ ๆใใๅฟใ็ฆใใใใฒใจใใงๆฑใ่พผใใงใใ ๅใ่ฒฌใใใใใฆ่ชๅใ่ฒฌใใฆใใ ใใฎ้ใใซใใใ ๅงๅใใใฆใใ ใใใใฃใจๆ้ใใใใฐใ ๆๅพใฎ็ฌ้ใใใใไธๅบฆๆใซๅ ฅใใใ ใใๅใ้ใ้ธๆใใใฆใใใ ๅใฏใพใ ใใใซใใฆใ็ฌใฃใฆใใใ ใใ ๅ ใฏๆฑบใใฆ้ ใใชใ ใใจใๅคใใในใฆใๆถใๅปใฃใฆใ ๅใฏๆถใใใใใฉใ้ ใใซใฏใใชใ ๆฏๆฅใฎๆฏใฎไธญใซใๅใฎ็่ทกใๆขใใฆใใ ใใจใๅคใใในใฆใๆถใๅปใฃใฆใ ๅใฏๆถใใใใใฉใ้ ใใซใฏใใชใ ๆฏๆฅใฎๆฏใฎไธญใซใๅใฎ็่ทกใๆขใใฆใใ ็ฉบ่ใๅบใใใใในใฆใ็ฐ่ฒใซใชใฃใ ๆถใๆตใใไฝใใใใๅดฉใ่ฝใกใ ๆฒใใฟใซๆบบใใใในใฆใๅคฑใฃใใใใซ ๅจใใฎไธ็ใๅดฉใใ้ฒใในใ้ใใใใใชใ ๅฝฑใซ่ฉฑใใใใ็ญใใๆฑใใฆ ๆใๅบใ่ฅฒใใๅใๅฐฝใใฆใใ ่จ่ใ่ถณใใใๆถใๆผใๅฏใ ็กใซๆใใใในใฆใซๆผใใคใถใใใใ ใใคใใๅใฏ็่งฃใใใ ใใใ ๆใฏ็ถใใฆใใใๅพ ใใใใฆใ ๅ ใฎๆนใธใๅฐใใใค้ฒใใงใใ ๅใฎไธๅจใ่ธใซๆฑใใๅใซ้ฒใ ใใใชใซใ้ใใใฉใๅใๅใใฐใใใฎใ ๅใใใใๆฎใใใงใใใใฏๅใฎใใใใใชใ ๅฝฑใๆผใๅฏใใไธญใ็่งฃใใใใจใใฆใใ ็ใฟใฏใใใซใใใใใฉใๅใฎใใใใใชใใจๆใใ _______________________________ Two years ago, time stood still, With a puff of wind, everything froze. The hours stretched on, everything seemed suspended, An immense void, in the silence of the unknown. The world collapsed in an instant, I stood there, frozen in the darkness. Words wouldn't come out, I was just waiting, I thought it was a nightmare, that I'd wake up eventually. Light is never far away, Even when the night erases everything. You're gone, but you're not far, I look for you in every breath, every sound. Why didn't I see it? Why didn't I know? Anger burns in me, I'm alone with this burden. I blame you, and I blame myself, I'm weighed down by this weight that crushes me. The light is never far away, Even when the night erases all. You're gone, but you're not far, I look for your traces in every breath, every sound. If only I'd had more time, If only I could relive this moment. Maybe with another choice, You'd still be here, smiling beside me. Light is never far away, Even when the night erases all. You're gone, but you're not far, I look for your traces in every breath, every sound. The emptiness is there, everything has gone gray, Tears flow, everything slips away beneath my feet. I drown in sadness, everything escapes me, The world around me is collapsing, I don't know where to go. I talk to the shadows, searching for answers, Memories overwhelm me, I'm powerless. Words are too weak, tears too heavy, I struggle against the emptiness, against everything that crushes me. Maybe one day I'll understand, That love goes on, even when we have to wait. I take one step, then another, towards the light, But your absence remains in me, heavy, infinite. It's so heavy to bear, how can I face it? The questions persist, but I know it's not my fault. The shadows invade me, but I try to understand, That the pain is there, but the fault is not mine, I hear it. _______________________________
48 Comments
่ฃด่ธPuiWan 2w ago
akiko, i totally get where you're coming from. i love the shakuhachi in the song, not just because it's one of my favorite traditional instruments, but because it really captures and conveys your emotions so well. the music is great, and i'm sure your mom would have loved this gift.
Akiko 1w ago
Hi ่ฃด่ธ ! Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot that you felt the emotions through the shakuhachi. It's such a beautiful instrument, and it felt like the only one that could express what was in my heart. I'm really touched that it resonated with you. Knowing that someone like you, who understands and appreciates it so deeply, listened and connected with it means everything to me. I truly hope my mom would have loved it too. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. ๐
Excavator 2w ago
Akiko, I'm not you, so I can't claim to understand your feelings. But I too have lost my parents, my niece, and old friends for various reasons, such as illness, suicide, and accidents. Those memories come back to me through the lyrics you wrote in Japanese. Your sadness, conflict, and various emotions move me deeply. And both you and I are shedding tears. Please cry now. And next time, show us a bright smile. My friend.๐๐ผ
Akiko 2w ago
Hi Excavator, thank u so much for your beautiful message. Iโm so sorry for the losses uโve endured. Ur words touched me deeply. It means a lot to know that my lyrics resonated with u in that way. Grief has so many layersโฆand somehow, knowing weโre not alone in it makes the pain a little softer. Yesโฆ letโs cry. And when the time is right, letโs also smile and bring some light to my friends. For those weโve lost, and for the ones still walking beside us. Iโm truly grateful to call you a friend๐ธ๐
Graou 2w ago
Akiko, ton texte est un souffle suspendu entre la douleur et la lumiรจre. On sent ton cลur battre dans chaque mot, chaque silence. Tu รฉcris comme on tend la main dans le noir, avec douceur, mรชme quand รงa hurle ร lโintรฉrieur. Tu nous rappelles que mรชme quand tout sโeffondre, lโamour laisse des traces, et que parfois, survivre, cโest dรฉjร aimer trรจs fort. Merci de mettre autant dโรขme dans lโabsence.
Graou 2w ago
Continue dโรฉcrire, Akiko. Tu fais du bien au monde. Continue de commenter, de rendre des sourires aux gens lorsqu'ils en ont besoin. Je suis honorรฉ d'avoir pu croiser ton chemin. Tu peux รชtre fiรจre de la personne que tu es. Je pense que n'importe qui, dans ce monde oรน dans l'autre, pourrait รชtre ร mรชme de te le dire.
CumAlot ๐ฐ 2w ago
Ma trรจs chรจre Akiko, c'est un grand exploit que tu aies eu la force de partager avec nous une histoire aussi touchante๐ฅบJe suis sรปre que ta mรจre รฉtait une personne merveilleuse pour avoir รฉlevรฉ une princesse aussi sensible et pleine d'รขme๐ซโค๏ธโ๐ฉนListening ร chaque vers, j'ai une boule dans la gorge et bien que peu de temps se soit รฉcoulรฉ (et il est presque impossible d'oublier une telle chose), je ne peux que souhaiter que la cinquiรจme รฉtape de ยซ l'acceptation ยป vienne enfin๐Nous vous aimons๐
Akiko 1w ago
Mon trรจs cher CumAlot.. ๐ฐ Merci pour ton soutien et dโavoir pris la peine de lire ma petite histoire ๐ฅบ Ma mรจre... Elle avait ses dรฉfauts mais malgrรฉ tout cโรฉtait ma mรจre et je lโaimais. Je ne voulais que son bien et jโaurai aimรฉ mieux la comprendre, merci aussi pour tout ces gentils mots qui me vont droit au cลur ๐ฅน Jโai encore du chemin ร parcourir mais avoir trouvรฉ cette communautรฉs me donne de la force et savoir que tu en fais partie me met du baumes au cลur, je vous aimes aussi ๐๐ซถ๐
ๆกๅญ 2w ago
ใขใญใณใใใๆฅๆฌ่ชใงๆธใใพใใญใใใชใใๆใซๆบขใใไบบใชใฎใฏใๆฏใใพใๆใงใใชใใๅ ใใ ใใใงใใใใใฆ็ๅใซใฉใใชใซๅฐฝใใใฆใๅพๆใฏๅฐฝใใใใจใฏใใใพใใใ็งใ็ ๆฐใง็ถใไบกใใใๆๅใๆฐๆใกใซใชใใพใใใๆใใๅฝใ ใฃใใฎใงใฏใชใใใจ่ชๅใ่ฒฌใใพใใใ17ๅนดใ ใฃใไปใงใ็ถใๅคขใซ่ฆใพใใๅฟ ใ็ ๆฐใชใฎใงใจใฆใ่พใใงใใ้ขใใฆๅฌใใๆฐๆใกใใใใพใใ่ฟใใซใใฆ่ฆๅฎใฃใฆใใใฆใใใใจๆใใพใใ็ง้ใๅฝผใใๆใๅบใๆใใถใใใฐใซๆฅใฆใใใฆใใใจๆใใพใใใใชใใฎๅฟใ็ใใพใใใใซ็ฅใฃใฆใใพใใ
Graou 2w ago
Des mots si beaux et justes ๐๐ผ
Rabbit๏ผฟBaron/Zen 2w ago
Good evening my friend โบ๏ธ I could feel your feelings from this song...๐ First of all, thank you for sharing your sensitive part ๐ค Yes! I think she lives in you as long as you remember โจ I hope you can move forward in the direction of the light even though you may feel empty and confused ๐ From Japan ๐ฏ๐ต to France ๐ซ๐ท Wishing you happiness ๐ From your fan "rabbit_baron (I will wait for you no matter how late the reply is ๐)
Akiko 2w ago
Hi my dear friend! Thank u from the bottom of my heart for your gentle and encouraging words. It truly means so much to know that u felt the emotion in the song. sharing that vulnerable part of myself wasn't easy, ur kindness makes it feel worthwhile. I believe she lives in my memory... Iโm doing my best to keep moving toward the light. From ๐ซ๐ท to ๐ฏ๐ต. Iโm sending you gratitude, warmth, and a quiet smile. Thank u for waiting, always. Your support lifts me more than you know ๐๐๐
Busy 2w ago
Hi Akiko! I sincerely wish your mother peace and rest. ๐
My relationship with my father wasnโt great either, and he passed away suddenlyโฆ
So I really relate to the regret of not having made peace while we still had time.
This song feels like it holds that same kind of unresolved emotion โ thereโs such a deep sense of longing in it.
I hope your visit goes well, and that youโre able to find some calm and healing in the days ahead. ๐ซ๏ธ๐
Akiko 2w ago
Hi Busy! Thank you so much for your heartfelt message. It really touched me. I'm sorry to hear about your father, and I truly understand that deep, unresolved ache... It stays with you in quiet moments. You're right about the songโฆ it does carry that weight, that longing for something that couldnโt quite be said in time. I really appreciate your kind wishes. My visit brings some peace to me but also pain. Wishing you calm and healing on your path as well. ๐ซ๏ธ๐๐
FDLhead ๐ป๐ฆโโฌ๐ชถ๐โ๏ธ๐๐ 2w ago
Please know that it's okay to feel everything you're feeling. Be gentle with yourself, dear Akiko. ๐๐ฉทโค๏ธโ๐ฉน
Akiko 2w ago
Hi FDLhead, itโs comforting to be reminded that itโs okay to feel it all. The sorrow, the love, the confusion. Iโm trying to be patient with myself, and your message truly helps.With all my heart, thank you for being here. โค๏ธโ๐ฉน๐๐๐๐๐
G Chill 2w ago
Hi Akiko, your honesty about your relationship with your mother and the pain and regret is just so powerful and striking, especially expressed in this lovely song, and how at the end there is some measure of hope that one day you may have an understanding, but until then, taking one step at a time, only exemplifies to me your strength and resilience. Thank you so much for sharing this and my thoughts are with you and your family ๐๐๐
Akiko 2w ago
Hi G Chill, it means more to me than I can express that you felt the honesty in the song. The pain and regret are a part of me, but the hope for understanding, even if itโs slow and uncertain, keeps me going. One step at a time, like you said. Your support truly strengthens me and reminds me that Iโm not alone in this journey. Thank you for keeping me and my family in your thoughts. Itโs a gift to have such compassion around me ๐ซ๐
แทแฅแ 2w ago
Hi Akiko, so sorry to hear but you know you have such a strong presence and emotion within this song and I wholeheartly feel you have payed respects in both song and actions, stay strong we luv you ๐
Akiko 2w ago
Hi dear แทแฅแ. Thank you so much. I poured everything I had into this song, and knowing that you felt the emotion and intention behind it brings me real comfort. Iโm trying to stay strong, and messages like yours help more than you know. Sending love right back and Iโm so grateful for your support. I love u too๐โค๏ธ๐๐
MatchaChocolate69 2w ago
1 Jโai fait une gaffe. Bon sang, je nโaurais pas pu choisir un pire moment. Je ne savais pas que cโรฉtait lโanniversaire de ta mรจre aujourdโhui. Je te demande pardon du fond du cลur pour mon manque de dรฉlicatesse.
Mon amie, tu sais trรจs bien que je comprends ton deuil. Oh oui, je le comprends trop bien, et tous ces regrets de ce qui nโa pas รฉtรฉ dit.
MatchaChocolate69 2w ago
2 Si on avait une autre chance, est-ce que les choses se passeraient autrement ? Serions-nous capables de dire ce que nous aurions voulu dire ? Serions-nous capables de nous comprendre ?
Est-ce que cela avait un sens de nous disputer, de nous fรขcher, dโรฉriger des murs au lieu de construire des ponts, sans savoir que nous ne nous reverrions jamais ?
Mais ce qui fait le plus mal, cโest que nous ne nous reverrons vraiment jamais. Le temps passรฉ ensemble a รฉtรฉ si court.
Lux-Nocthys 2w ago
Chanson absolument magnifique Akiko! En lisant les paroles il semblerais que tu ais dรฉjร engagรฉ la voie de l'acceptance, mรชme si le chemin lui mรชme reste inachevรฉ. Pour des raisons dรฉjร survolรฉs dans une autre conversation je ne vais pas m'aventurer trop creux dans le sujet, je suis seulement ici pour apprรฉcier la musique et te souhaiter des temps joyeux ๐ธ
Akiko 2w ago
Salut Lux! J'ai enfin le courage de rรฉpondre ร tout vos messages d'amour! Je te remercie รฉnormรฉment d'avoir apprรฉciรฉ la musique mais aussi pour ton soutien. Je l'ai engagรฉ cette voie mais c'est la plus longue de toute... Merci pour tes mots qui me rรฉchauffe le coeur et je te souhaite tout autant du bonheur et des moments pleins de joie ๐
BlueSkyDreamers 2w ago
Both the track and artwork are thoughtful and emotional. Complex, with heartfelt lyrics. A lovely tribute.
Akiko 2w ago
Hi BluesSkyDreamers! Thank u so much for your kind words. I'm really touched that u felt the emotion in both the track and the artwork (based on my last photo of my smiling mother). I put so much of my heart into it. Thank u for ur support ๐
Winslow 2w ago
A very touching and emotional song
Akiko 1w ago
Hello Winslow! Thank u for ur listening and ur comment, i'm happy that u like this song. I hope u will have a nice day or night ๐
Ziratia ๐ 2w ago
Je nโai jamais รฉtรฉ trรจs douรฉ pour exprimer ce genre de choses avec des mots... Je suis plus du genre ร le montrer avec des gestes ou des cรขlins. Alors, en voici quelques-uns pour toi ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ. Cette musique est incroyablement puissante et constitue un trรจs bel hommage Akiko ! Le passage : "ๅใฏๆถใใใใใฉใ้ ใใซใฏใใชใ ๆฏๆฅใฎๆฏใฎไธญใซใๅใฎ็่ทกใๆขใใฆใใ" est magnifique et รฉmouvant, il donne des ailes ๐ชฝ๐ชฝ et mโinspire bcp de courage !
Ziratia ๐ 2w ago
Je ne prรฉtends pas avoir dรฉjร traversรฉ une telle รฉpreuve ni pouvoir totalement comprendre ce que tu as pu ressentir. Cela semble avoir รฉtรฉ une situation compliquรฉe, mais le chagrin est universel, tout comme le bonheur... Alors, je te souhaite du fond du cลur ๐autant de bonheur que possible pour la suite :) Et te souhaite plein de sourires et de rires que possible dans ta vie ! ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ
Dim Candles 2w ago
C'est une belle chanson avec une รฉcriture impeccable, un jet profond et pas forcรฉment facile ร traiter, et en mรชme, une lueur d'espoir subsiste, c'est "tragiquement beau"! โจโจBravo Akiko, c'est vraiment bon! ๐
Akiko 2w ago
Salut Dim! Merci beaucoup ! Cโest vrai, cette chanson porte de la douleur, mais jโespรจre quโil y a aussi une forme de lumiรจre, mรชme dans cette tristesse. "Tragiquement beau" est une belle maniรจre de la dรฉcrire. Merci pour ton soutien et pour prendre le temps de partager tes impressions. Cela me touche รฉnormรฉment, tu es vraiment un artiste de talent n'en doute jamais ๐๐ฏ๏ธ๐
OracleViviValentine 2w ago
Oh, no, Akiko... You lost your mom back in 2023 ๐ unfortunatly I understand you well, my dad went to Heaven last September. He was the most important person for me after my son... The person who loved me most in Life... And if I have felt what unconditional love is in first place, thanks to him. I miss him dearly everyday ๐ค I still feel Lost without him but I go on and fight because that's what I learned from him. I'm sorry, dear
OracleViviValentine 2w ago
Also, the Shakuhachi it's wonderful and adds such a sad tune to the song additional to the vocals ๐ช๐ Hang in there, my dear friend. We will meet our dear ones again ๐๐
jimmydsausage 2w ago
Good morning! Wanted to give you the day yesterday out of respect.. this is a beautiful expression of loss for the ones we love... your lyrics are heartfelt and I feel you 100%..thank you for sharing this with us and getting us in..this is amazing ๐ซ
Akiko 1w ago
Good morning Jimmy ! (it's 10:15 AM for me now) Thank you so much for ur thoughtful message. It really touched me that you gave me space out of respect, and that means more than I can express. I'm so grateful that the song reached u and that u felt the emotion behind it. Sharing something so personal was not easy, but knowing it resonated with someone makes it all worth it. Thank u for being here and for listening with ur heart. Sending a big hug ur way ๐ซ๐
Latte 2w ago
Hi Akiko. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Thank you for sharing your pain and suffering with us. I hope that in time you will find peace, even though I know that losing a parent is not easy and with time only acceptance comes. Thank you again for sharing your feelings with us. Be brave and strong and remember that you are not alone. โค๏ธ
Akiko 1w ago
Hi Latte. Thank u so much for your kind words. They mean a lot. Losing my mother has left such a deep emptiness, the grief sometimes feels so heavy. Your message brought a bit of warmth into that darkness. Iโm trying to take things one day at a time, to allow myself to feel everything without getting lost in it. Knowing that someone out there took the time to write something so gentle and caring, it gives me strength. Thank u for reminding me that Iโm not alone. Really ๐๐ซ๐
Nenolo 2w ago
My Akiko this is a wonderful and peaceful sound. Love everything about this song โค๏ธ wish you amazing weekend my sweet ๐ซ๐ซถโจ๐โค๏ธ
Akiko 1w ago
My dearest Nenolo, thank u so much for listening, i'm grateful to have u there, i hope u had an amazing weekend ๐ซ๐ซถ๐