Self-Destructive (I'm Just Having Fun!)

[Intro] Ah Shit! Well, that was a choice... I’m my own biggest hater and my own biggest fan. Don’t try this at home... unless you’re on the same edge I am! ​ [Chorus] I’m punching the mirror and I’m loving the view, I’m my own worst enemy, fuck me and you! I’m lighting my hair on fire just for the glow, I’m the star of a one-man horror show! I’m ruining my life but I’m doing it great, I just put a whole bag of salt on your steak! I’m the king of the crash, I’m the god of the wreck, I just put a "Kick Me" sign on the back of my neck! ​ [Verse 1] I’m waking up early just to terrorize you guys. I’m telling myself very convincing lies. I just cut your brakes for a dare. I’m giving you a "blindfolded" haircut in the lobotomy chair. I’m throwing your keys in the sewer just for the thrill. I’m taking a nap on a very steep hill. I just glued my own hands to a moving van. I’m the least responsible version of a man! I’m snorting a line of glitter I’m blaming the world for making me bitter! I just replaced your pillow with a sack of bricks. I’m showing the devil some brand new tricks! I’m cutting the line while you're walking on the cable. I’m the only disaster that’s legally stable! I just jumped off the roof into a kiddie pool of tacks. I’m giving my brain some very spicy snacks! I’M WIRING MY JAW SHUT WITH COPPER AND PRIDE! I’M TAKING MY SKELETON FOR A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE! I’M LICKING THE FROST OFF A SUB-ZERO POLE! I’M TRADING MY EYES FOR A BIGGER HEAD-HOLE! I JUST BIT MY OWN TONGUE OFF TO SEE HOW IT TASTES! I’M THE GREATEST DISASTER THE HUMAN RACE HAS FACED! I’M DRINKING THE WATER OUT OF THE RADIATOR! I’LL SEE YOU IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM, LATER GATOR! ​ [Verse 2] I’ve swallowed a porcupine and calling it a snack! I’m doing backflips off a cliff just to hear my vertebrae crack! I’m gargling a cup of thumbtacks just to sing a little higher. I’m using a high-pressure power washer as a pacifier! I just replaced my heart with a wire. I’m the only guy in the ER who’s ready to expire! I’m pushing you into a woodchipper just to see the confetti. I’m eating my own appendix and I’m calling it spaghetti! I—I—I—I—I’M REPLACING MY EYELIDS WITH SOME INDUSTRIAL VELCRO! I’M THE REASON THEY HAD TO CANCEL THE LOCAL TALENT SHOW! I’m brushing my tongue with a piece of 40-grit sandpaper. I’m the human embodiment of a "Self-Destruct" vapor! I’m bungee jumping with a single strand of dental floss. I’M THE CEO OF AGONY AND I’M A FANTASTIC BOSS! I’m diving into a pile of crushed-up LEGOs and splinters. I’M THE PERSON WHO WANTS TO PUT THESE ABUSERS INTO THE WOOD-CHIPPER! I—I—I—I—I’M PLUGGING MY NOSTRILS INTO THE ELECTRICAL OUTLET! I STARED DOWN THE SUN AND NOW I’M READY TO FIGHT IT! I’m turning my ribcage into a literal xylophone. I’M THE CRAZIEST MOTHERFUCKER THAT THIS WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN! I’m gargling a smoothie made of battery acid and spite. I JUST CHALLENGED MY OWN SKELETON TO A PARKING LOT FIGHT! I’M TYING MY SHOELACES TO A BIG ASS ROCKET! I’VE GOT A LIVE RATTLESNAKE IN MY BACK LEFT POCKET! I—I—I—I—I’M DIVING HEADFIRST INTO A TUB OF LEMON JUICE! I JUST GAVE MY OWN BRAIN A REASON TO CUT ITSELF LOOSE! I’M EATING THE GRAVITY TILL I’M FLOATING OFF THE FLOOR! I JUST KICKED DOWN A REVOLVING GLASS DOOR! I’M SURFING ON THE WINGS OF A PLANE DURING THE TAKEOFF! I’M THE TYPE OF GUY WHO’D TRY TO SQEEZE HIS OWN FACE OFF! I’M WINNING! I’M DYING! I’M HAVING A BLAST! I’M THE FIRST ONE TO FINISH AND I’M FINISHING LAST! Wait... why does my arm feel like a noodle? Is that my reflection or a very angry poodle? Eh....Whatever. [Outro] I’m fine! I’ve never felt better! You think I've lost it, but I'm keeping it all together. (Mwah)