[Verse 1] Dinnae trust a coo wi' dry teats, Nor a milkmaid wi' muddy feet. But mark this well, ye lads and lasses, Some folk are worse than empty glasses. [Audience Call & Response] Singer: Who's that grinnin' by the door? Audience: WE DON'T TRUST HIM! [Verse 2] Dinnae trust a nun wi' red cheeks, Nor a preacher who forgets his speaks. If she says, "I've had one dram," Hide the bottle from that holy lamb. [Audience Call & Response — clear, warm, spontaneous] Singer: Who's that piping over there? Audience: WE DON'T TRUST HIM! [Chorus] Dinnae trust a coo wi' dry teats! Nor a nun wi' red cheeks! But above all else, remember this: Dinnae trust the piper! DINNAE TRUST HIM! [Verse 3] Then in walks the piper, grinnin' wide, "One wee tune," he says, "then I'll step aside." "One wee reel, then I'll be done," He says it smiling like the moon has run. [Audience Call & Response] Singer: Do we trust him? Audience: NO, WE DON'T! Singer: Will he stop soon? Audience: NO, HE WON'T! [Verse 4] Dinnae trust a landlord wi' an empty glass, Nor a man who says, "This round's my last." The piper says, "I'll join ye lads!" Then somehow six more bottles appear. Singer: Who bought the drink? Audience: THE PIPER! Singer: Who'll play all night? Audience: THE PIPER! [Chorus] Dinnae trust a coo wi' dry teats! Nor a nun wi' red cheeks! Dinnae trust a man who says, "Just one more tune!" DINNAE TRUST HIM! For he'll still be playin' When the bloody sun comes up! WHEN THE BLOODY SUN COMES UP! [Bridge] Singer: Piper, are ye finished? Audience: NO! Singer: Piper, are ye finished? Audience: NO! Singer: Piper, will ye ever stop? Audience: NO! Singer: Then what are we gonna do? Audience: DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! [Final Verse] The sheep knows lies, the hound knows sin, The old grey mare knows where he's been. Even the goat turns tail and flees, When that piper starts his melodies. [Audience Call & Response] Singer: Even the goat knows! Audience: HE'S NOT TO BE TRUSTED! Singer: Even the sheep knows! Audience: HE'S NOT TO BE TRUSTED! [Final Chorus] Dinnae trust a coo wi' dry teats! Nor a nun wi' red cheeks! Dinnae trust a piper who says, "One more tune!" For he'll still be playin' When the bloody sun comes up! WHEN THE BLOODY SUN COMES UP! [Outro] Singer: Piper... that's enough now, aye? Audience: AYE! Singer: One more? Audience: HELL NOO!!! Singer: See? That's exactly what I meant!
