[Intro] Alright, listen up. It’s Friday afternoon. Everybody’s already thinking about going home. Boots are off. Gear’s packed. Then the lieutenant walks in carrying a laptop. And just like that, every damn plan is dead. ⸻ [Verse 1] We were standing by the trucks, Talking shit and killing time. Thinking we’d be headed home In about forty-five. Then LT says, “Gather up, I got a quick brief.” Anybody who’s been in long enough Knows that’s a fucking lie. Maps hit the wall, Projector fires up, And every NCO in the room Starts looking annoyed as hell. Because we’ve all seen this movie before, And it never ends on time. ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] He’s on slide six, Nobody knows why. The mission’s one sentence, But we’re somehow still talking. ⸻ [Chorus] Five paragraph order, Three damn hours long. Could’ve said it in five minutes, But here we are. Situation. Mission. Execution. Sustainment. Command and signal. Everybody’s tired, Everybody’s pissed, And nobody’s saying shit. Five paragraph order, Another Friday gone. The enemy ain’t done a damn thing, But somehow morale’s already gone. ⸻ [Verse 2] Weather forecast? Hot as balls. Terrain analysis? Lots of walking. Enemy forces? Probably out there somewhere. Friendly forces? Us unfortunately. Mission paragraph finally shows up, Thirty minutes after we sat down. Move here. Do this. Come back. Hell, that’s all you had to say. Could’ve saved us all an hour and a half. ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] But somebody spent all week Making these PowerPoint slides. And by God, We’re gonna suffer through every one of them. ⸻ [Chorus] Five paragraph order, Three damn hours long. Could’ve said it in five minutes, But here we are. Situation. Mission. Execution. Sustainment. Command and signal. Everybody’s tired, Everybody’s pissed, And nobody’s saying shit. Five paragraph order, Another Friday gone. The enemy ain’t done a damn thing, But somehow morale’s already gone. ⸻ [Bridge] Who’s got ammo? “Johnson forgot his.” Who’s got batteries? “Nobody checked.” Who’s carrying extra water? “Figure it the fuck out.” Who’s got the radio frequencies? Half the platoon’s looking around Like they forgot there was gonna be a test. First Sergeant’s got that look. You know the one. The look that says, “Every one of you idiots is making my blood pressure worse.” ⸻ [Breakdown] Situation! Nobody cares. Mission! Finally. Execution! Walk a lot. Sustainment! Eat your MRE and quit complaining. Command and signal! If all else fails, Yell louder. ⸻ [Final Chorus] Five paragraph order, Military tradition. Taking something simple And making it complicated as hell. Five paragraph order, Same story every time. The briefing lasts forever, The mission’s over by lunchtime. Five paragraph order, One thing remains true. The longer the brief gets, The more bullshit we’re about to do. ⸻ [Outro] The lieutenant looks around. “Any questions?” Nobody moves. Nobody speaks. Not because we understand. Not because we’re tracking. Because every single person in the room knows if one dumb son of a bitch raises his hand, we’re gonna be here another fucking hour. ”…Actually, sir…” Goddammit.
