🏁 RAZA CART 100 (LITERALLY!) 🏁

[Spoken Intro] WELCOME… TO THE BLUE DRAGON NURSING HOME! Where the bills are overdue… The roof is leaking… And Michael has absolutely NO IDEA what he’s doing! So there’s only one solution… START! YOUR! SCOOTERS! [Verse 1] Michael ran the nursing home straight into the ground, The lights keep flickering, there’s pudding all around! The bingo cards are missing, the budget disappeared, And everybody’s wondering, “How’d this guy get put in charge here?!” But then Raza shouted, “Folks, I’ve got a plan!” Grandma grabbed her helmet, Grandpa raised his hand! A hundred aging racers rolled up to the line, For cash to save the nursing home— AND MAYBE SUPPER TIME! [Pre-Chorus] Charge up the batteries! Put your dentures in! Adjust that lumbar support— THE RACE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN! [Chorus] 🎵 RAZA CART 100 — LITERALLY! 🎵 Old folks racing for financial stability! Power wheelchairs flying, scooters going wild, Grandpa’s doing donuts like a seventy-year-old child! RAZA CART 100 — LITERALLY! Racing for the Blue Dragon facility! Michael blew the budget, now they’re fighting for the dough— So grab your cane, hit the gas… GO, GRANDMA, GO! [Verse 2] Mildred’s in the lead with her oxygen tank, Earl installed a turbo that he bought from Cousin Frank! Gertrude throws a pudding cup to block the inside lane, While Harold screams, “MY SCIATICA!” And passes her again! Somebody lost a slipper! Somebody lost their teeth! There’s tapioca flying at a hundred miles beneath! Raza’s waving flags while Michael starts to sweat, Because the property taxes haven’t been paid yet! [Pre-Chorus] Check your blood pressure! Hold onto your wig! Ethel found a shortcut— AND SHE’S HEADING FOR THE BRIDGE! [Chorus] 🎵 RAZA CART 100 — LITERALLY! 🎵 Old folks racing for financial stability! Power wheelchairs flying, scooters going wild, Grandpa’s doing wheelies while the nurses scream and dial! RAZA CART 100 — LITERALLY! Saving Blue Dragon through velocity! Michael ran it poorly, so the residents all know— If you wanna keep your bedroom… PEDAL—WAIT—NO! HIT THE THROTTLE! GO! [Bridge – Dramatic Sports Announcer] Three laps remaining! The prize money is ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Gladys takes the inside! Mortimer activates the recliner boost! BERNICE HAS JUST THROWN AN ENTIRE FRUITCAKE ONTO THE TRACK! Michael: “Is that even legal?!” Everyone: “YOU’RE THE REASON WE’RE DOING THIS, MICHAEL!” [Breakdown] Left turn! Right turn! Someone needs a nap! Turbo scooter! Flying dentures! Grandpa lost his map! Bingo on Tuesday! Race day tonight! If Blue Dragon’s gonna survive— THE SENIORS GOTTA FIGHT! [Final Chorus] 🎵 RAZA CART 100 — LITERALLY! 🎵 The fastest retirement community! From walkers to wheelchairs, everybody steals the show, With arthritis, determination— AND A NEED FOR CASH FLOW! RAZA CART 100 — LITERALLY! The craziest senior Grand Prix! They’re racing for their home, their snacks, their cable TV— Because Michael ran the place… FINANCIALLY IRRESPONSIBLY! [Big Finish] Start your scooters! Grab your canes! Secure your glasses! IGNORE THE PAINS! Blue Dragon forever! Let the engines roar! RAZA CART 100— Crowd: “LITERALLY!!!!” [Spoken Outro] Michael: “So…did we make enough money?” Raza: “No.” Michael: “…Same time next week?” EVERYONE: “MICHAEL!!!!”