just another day / waiting for the bomb to drop or maybe it already did and this is the after-part standing in the kitchen holding something / I forgot what thinking I love my family / like it’s a note I left for myself there’s a list somewhere / I keep not finishing it small movements / small permissions / don’t startle the air your voice on the news repeats / repeats / repeats until it stops meaning anything / just shape / just tone life goes on / like a habit I can’t break like chewing without tasting / blinking without seeing I keep adjusting things that don’t matter like that will tip the scale back I think I used to feel fear now it’s more like… a narrowing a hallway that doesn’t widen no matter how long I walk nuclear / is just a word now like furniture / like weather / like Tuesday it sits in the room with me we don’t look at each other I’m careful with everything opening drawers like they might remember stepping lightly like the floor is listening like I already did something wrong I think I love my family I keep coming back to that line like it’s supposed to anchor something but it just floats there dinner / yes / I should make dinner that seems like the kind of thing people do near the end of things or in the middle or whenever this is all I want is to hear my favorite song the one I haven’t written yet I can almost hear it sometimes like it’s in the next room or behind my teeth or buried under everything I didn’t say just another day waiting or not waiting I can’t tell anymore
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