My Future Self Called Collect

My Future Self Called Collect
[Spoken over soft piano and muted trumpet]
Operator, you’re sure that’s for me?
Well… put him through.
Verse 1
Last night about a quarter to two,
My telephone rang out of the blue.
A distant voice said, “How do you do?
Don’t hang up, pal—
I’m you!”
Female Trio:
He said he’s you!
Yes, really you!
Twenty years from now—woo-woo!
I said, “Now buddy, that’s quite a line.”
He said, “Believe me, we’re doing fine.
But listen close, ’cause I haven’t got time—
And whatever you do,
Don’t buy that tie!”
Chorus
My future self called collect last night,
Said, “Everything’s gonna turn out right.”
He knew my name, knew my favorite song,
Knew every little thing I’d ever done wrong.
Female Trio:
Every little thing!
He said, “Keep your faith and hold on tight,
And stay away from poker on Friday night!”
Then the operator said, “Your time is through…”
And I hollered, “Wait!
What happens to you?”
Verse 2
He said, “You’ll lose some hair, but you’ll keep your grin,
You’ll get a little slower and a little more thin—”
Female Trio:
We don’t think so!
“Some folks walk out, better folks walk in,
And you’ll finally learn
You can’t always win.”
I said, “Tell me something I really should know—
Do flying cars ever finally show?”
He laughed and said, “No, but take it from me,
They’ll put a telephone
Inside your TV!”
Female Trio:
Oh, ridiculous!
Impossible!
What will they think of next?
Chorus
My future self called collect last night,
Said, “Everything’s gonna turn out right.”
He knew my name, knew my favorite song,
Knew every little thing I’d ever done wrong.
He said, “Love your people while they’re still around,
Keep both your feet planted firm on the ground.
Don’t worry so much about what you can’t see—
You’re gonna turn out
A lot like me.”
Bridge – Big Band Builds
I said, “One last question before you go—
Tell me everything that I ought to know!”
He said, “If I told you, where’s the fun in that?
Just trust the Lord…
And buy a better hat!”
Female Trio:
A better hat!
Imagine that!
We always hated that hat!
Final Chorus – Full Band
My future self called collect last night,
Said, “Keep on walking toward the light.”
Then the line went dead with a final click,
And the clock on the wall started running backward quick!
Female Trio:
Backward!
Backward!
What a night!
Now every evening about quarter to two,
I sit by the phone wondering what I should do.
If that old telephone starts ringing anew—
I’m gonna let future me
Pay for it too!
[Female Trio:]
He called collect!
What did you expect?
[Big brass ending]
BA-DA-DA-DA—BAM!

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My Future Self Called Collect [Spoken over soft piano and muted trumpet] Operator, you’re sure that’s for me? Well… put him through. Verse 1 Last night about a quarter to two, My telephone rang out of the blue. A distant voice said, “How do you do? Don’t hang up, pal— I’m you!” Female Trio: He said he’s you! Yes, really you! Twenty years from now—woo-woo! I said, “Now buddy, that’s quite a line.” He said, “Believe me, we’re doing fine. But listen close, ’cause I haven’t got time— And whatever you do, Don’t buy that tie!” Chorus My future self called collect last night, Said, “Everything’s gonna turn out right.” He knew my name, knew my favorite song, Knew every little thing I’d ever done wrong. Female Trio: Every little thing! He said, “Keep your faith and hold on tight, And stay away from poker on Friday night!” Then the operator said, “Your time is through…” And I hollered, “Wait! What happens to you?” Verse 2 He said, “You’ll lose some hair, but you’ll keep your grin, You’ll get a little slower and a little more thin—” Female Trio: We don’t think so! “Some folks walk out, better folks walk in, And you’ll finally learn You can’t always win.” I said, “Tell me something I really should know— Do flying cars ever finally show?” He laughed and said, “No, but take it from me, They’ll put a telephone Inside your TV!” Female Trio: Oh, ridiculous! Impossible! What will they think of next? Chorus My future self called collect last night, Said, “Everything’s gonna turn out right.” He knew my name, knew my favorite song, Knew every little thing I’d ever done wrong. He said, “Love your people while they’re still around, Keep both your feet planted firm on the ground. Don’t worry so much about what you can’t see— You’re gonna turn out A lot like me.” Bridge – Big Band Builds I said, “One last question before you go— Tell me everything that I ought to know!” He said, “If I told you, where’s the fun in that? Just trust the Lord… And buy a better hat!” Female Trio: A better hat! Imagine that! We always hated that hat! Final Chorus – Full Band My future self called collect last night, Said, “Keep on walking toward the light.” Then the line went dead with a final click, And the clock on the wall started running backward quick! Female Trio: Backward! Backward! What a night! Now every evening about quarter to two, I sit by the phone wondering what I should do. If that old telephone starts ringing anew— I’m gonna let future me Pay for it too! [Female Trio:] He called collect! What did you expect? [Big brass ending] BA-DA-DA-DA—BAM!

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