[Applause]The last queen's gone; the door sighs shut The busboy counts the bottles like a rosary of doubt. The barback stacks the chairs shirtless—Lord, that boy knows The dolphin on his lower back is grinning from the waistband: such a smug conspiracy of ink and skin. I tip my wig. I take a breath. He bends. The dolphin has no comment. The ice machine coughs "yes." The mirror keeps a secret in all stages of young men's undress. I want the boy whose idea of aftercare is asking if I'm okay and then checking his phone. I want to be the comma in his sentence, the cough in his "I'm straight," the borrowed cufflink, the rough drink, the laugh that makes him blush and buy me one more. Somebody bring a fan. Somebody bring a chair. The dolphin doesn't blink. The boy has no idea I'm there. I want to feel his pulse through denim, want to hear "I've never done this before" and mean it—so sincere I have to sit. I want the dolphin's silent partner. I see the whole room soften. And yes, I know how this looks: a wig, a swizzle stick, a leer. But look at them—they're twenty-three. I'm allowed to be sincere. The boys want a story; the story wants a bar. The mirror wants a witness; the witness wants a star. The dolphin wants nothing. The dolphin is stone. The dolphin has seen me and left me alone. The one whose every thought's a hard-on with a punchline. I'll take the barback, the heart attack in a tank top, the dolphin's silent partner, the back that bends like a question. I'll take the busboy's wrists, the DJ's Adam's apple, the go-go boy's left shoe. I'll take the whole afterhours and call it a calling. The dolphin has no comment. The barback puts his shirt back on. The ice machine coughs. The mirror keeps a secret. I go home with a little busboy imp, wishing the dolphin bared me back into a limp. Give me the barback, the heart attack in a tank top— the back that bends, the grin that says he knows exactly what's in my head and won't again charge me for extras before bed...... [Applause]... somebody bring a fan, yes i leer i am allowed to be sincere.... no .... [applause]
